LO$ER=LO♡ER

Chapter 36

For a while, Amara spent her days at home, excluding the days she was working. It was a nice change for her to be at home. It was quiet and calm. She still texted and called Enhypen of course. She even attended their lives if they asked her to watch them. They always had her giggling or smiling. Like usual. Time had passed by pretty quickly, that before she realized it, it was already April.

Which meant it was closer to her birthday. She wasn't looking forward to it, if she was being honest.

She'd been treating it like any other day, for the past few years. She wasn't a fan of her birthday, due to past experiences, giving her a bad taste for it. She was in her kitchen, when her phone went off. She picked it up off the counter beside her. She turned it on and saw that she was invited a group chat, which confused her.

She was already in one with the guys. So, why was there another one? Her confusion was quickly diminished and she got her answer, when she saw others joining. The ones joining, were the members of TXT.

Her heart sank quickly down into her stomach. Oh, no. Why? Why were they doing this?

Amara wasn't ready to face them, yet. She was barely able to face Beomgyu and Kai. She wouldn't be able to face all of them together. She took a few deep breaths, calming herself down. It's fine, just give them a chance to explain what the reasoning was. She watched quietly as the guys began explaining.

After Kai had said those hurtful things to Amara, she'd left the group chat, not wanting to deal with it anymore. She gripped her phone tightly, staring at the floor. While she was doing so, her phone rang. She glanced at it, seeing that Riki was calling her. She frowned and hesitated on answering it.

As much as she hated it, Kai was right. Amara didn't really know how to be alone. Well, she did. But, she hasn't been alone for a long time. The times she was alone, was before she personally knew Enhypen and TXT. She wasn't even friends with Jay yet.

Before that, she always handled everything on her own. She didn't even let her parents help her. She refused any time they tried to help. She felt like she would have been troublesome and a burden if she let them. Which is why she always handled everything by herself. Amara did that for a very long time. For years. Which caused it to be even harder for her, because she didn't have anyone. By choice, of course. But, she wished she would've let somebody in. That's what Kai didn't know. That for years, she was alone.

It wasn't until her being alone had caused her to be in a very bad place, that she met Jay. At first, she hated the idea of being around somebody else. Amara refused to let him in for the first couple of months that he was around her. She didn't call him a friend or see him as one for the longest time. It's not that she didn't want friends. She did. But, she was afraid to let people in.

Especially since that she hadn't let anyone in for a long time, and she'd been alone. But, Jay was a persistent guy. He refused to leave her alone when she told him to go away or to screw off. He wouldn't get the hint when she told him she didn't like him. He didn't let any of that deter him. He was set on being her friend.

And after awhile, she had given up. Although, she didn't do it willingly. It happened because she kind of had to. The years of being alone and not having anyone to lean on, eventually got to be too much. She ended up having a really bad mental breakdown, which had almost caused her to be admitted into a hospital.

But, she didn't get admitted. Because Jay had been there.

It was then, that Amara realized that she really did need somebody. And she let him in. That was a little over 5 years ago. She's yet to regret letting him in her life. She always made the joke that he was her knight in shining armor. He hated it when she teased him about that. He would always argue that he wasn't a knight, that he was her prince.

Maybe she should go back to being alone. It was clear that she's only causing everyone pain. And she hated the idea of being the reason for their pain. Just the mere thought of them in any pain, broke her heart. Even the fact that she was possibly making TXT's life harder, broke her heart. Even though they dumped her, she still had feelings for them.

Though now, those feelings were hard to distinguish. And now, the thought of her inability to be alone, plaguing Enhypen, upset her. It might be for the best if she... Just disappeared. She didn't want her life, her problems and her pregnancy, causing them problems. She'd already been scolded by their manager. Maybe him and Kai were right. She should leave.

Amara finally came out of her thoughts, sighing softly. When she did, her phone was still vibrating. She looked at it again, to see several missed calls from Riki and the others. And now they were trying again. Her thumb hovered over the accept icon, but she didn't accept it. She wanted to, so badly. She wanted to hear their voices after what Kai had said.

But... She also didn't want them to think she's relying on them. As much as it pained her to not answer the call, she didn't. Amara declined the call and went to her contacts. She stopped when she got to her father's contact number. She took a deep breath, before pushing the call button. She needed to take measures, if she was wanting to do this.

"Hello?"