For All Things Holy || Chanlix

Chapter 15

Felix sat there quietly, eating away at the ice cream Chan had gotten for him. They were currently in a parking lot, listening to music while they ate their frozen treat.

"This is really good." Felix said, finally breaking the silence between them both.

"I've never had ice cream before." He added in, desperate to spark up a conversation with the brunette.

"I'm guessing that's because of your parents?" Chan blandly asked, causing the small smile on Felix's face to slowly fade.

"Y-yeah..." He quietly said, growing more embarrassed each time Chan brought up his parents. 

"I'm also guessing you aren't allowed to eat sweets?" Chan questioned again, taking a bite out of his cone while scrolling through his phone.

Felix couldn't help but understand why Chan got bothered by all the questioning now, there were just some things people didn't feel comfortable talking about, yet that wasn't going to stop him from answering the questions. 

"They told me if I eat too many sweets, I'll get fat and die." He said, unsure on why he was so open with somebody who was probably judging him deep down. He couldn't help but feel his insecurities grow the more he spent time with Chan. Based off of their conversation the last time they spoke, Chan didn't really have the nicest things to say. 

"And you think that's them caring about you?" Chan asked. Felix couldn't help but feel hurt whenever Chan said stuff like that. Chan's words had been dancing wild in his head for days, making him question whether his parents actually cared for him or not. 

"I would like to think so..." Felix softly spoke, appetite slowly fading the more they talked. Felix couldn't help but feel his heart pang when Chan laughed, something he has yet to do up until now. 

"Christian parents who treat their son like a prized pig, and control literally every aspect of his life sure does sound like care. I'm sure they love you!" Chan laughed even louder. Felix couldn't help the growing feeling of anger and sadness that settled in the pit of his stomach. 

"I'm sure they love depriving their kid of basic social interactions most of us need in order to survive out in the real world. I'm sure they love treating you like a prisoner in your own home, even though you're 18 and should be able to come and go as you please." Chan bitterly spoke, laughing even louder. 

"You listened to music for the first time when we started our tutoring sessions. This is your first time having ice cream for fucks sake! How have you not put a bullet in your head by now?" The brunette questioned. 

Deep down, Felix knew he was right. That, for some reason only made him even angrier. He wasn't sure why he still felt the need to defend his parents, tears brewing while his small fist clutched tightly at his pants. 

"W-why do you feel the need to say these things?" The blonde asked, setting down his cup of ice cream in the cup holder while looking out the window. Hot tears began streaming down his face, small sniffles escaping here and there. 

"It's not even that serious." 

"But it is!" Felix cried out, unhappy with how Chan was seemingly belittling his feelings. 

"No it's not-" 

"Don't say that!" He cried out once more, tears falling rapidly. 

"It may not be serious to you, but it is to me! I-I spent my whole life being treated like this! You don't think I question whether they actually give a flying fuck about me or not on the daily?! T-they never ask me how I feel! They force me to go to church and reread bible verses I have read over a hundred times!" Felix shouted, noticing how Chan was seemingly taken aback by the outburst, but Felix was far from finished. He had kept this in for years.  

"They make me wear hand-me-downs from my grandpa..." He said, voice getting much softer. He felt embarrassed, but he just couldn't stop talking. He's told Chan more about his life than he has Hyunjin. Hyunjin never understood how bad things really were for him. He always pretended to be happy and care free, even though deep down that was far from the case.  

"T-they don't let me have friends. They don't let me consume sugar like regular kids, and they constantly force their ideals onto me. M-my whole life has already be planned by them. You don't think I've considered blowing my brains out because of it all?" He choked out, sobs escaping his pretty lips. 

"I don't even understand why I am telling you all this, it's not like you actually fucking care." Felix bitterly spat, finally looking in Chan's directions to see a small look of shock on his features. 

"You should say fuck more often. It suits you." Was all the brunette had to say. Felix felt his face heat up in embarrassment, not realizing he had sworn during his little breakdown. 

"It's almost four. I'm taking you home." Chan said, making his way to the blonde's house. 

Felix couldn't help the mixed emotions he felt. Part of him wanted to say more, another part of him didn't want to speak ever again. He had known Chan was right, it had been a thought that crossed his mind for years. 

He wanted to yell at Chan for saying such things, but there really wasn't a point in doing so. He couldn't help but think about everything that happened today while they drove to his house in silence. First Chan decides to stick up for Jisung and fight Minho, and then he deicides to break out into this whole rant about Felix's life and his parents. 

Felix couldn't help but think Chan's breakup was really bad in order for him to be acting like this. Chan must've really loved the guy he was dating. Felix remained silent all the way up until they got to his house. 

"S-see ya." Was all Felix could say, sighing when Chan didn't bother saying anything back. He really hoped that after today, Chan would still want to talk to him. Regardless of how bad Chan could end up being for him, he still hoped for a friendship with the brunette. He truly believed Chan could open up a new door for him. 

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THIS CHAPTER SUCKS THIS BOOK SUCKS I SUCK. jk... only a little bit though. 

It's been so long since i've updated this book and i really need to stop procrastinating with it. like chan taught me better. please share your thoughts they are really appreciated.