evolve// 5SOS

21

And to my surprise, she burst into tears. Uncontrolled, loud, tears.

"No,"

"Gabi, I know this is a lot to take on and that it is a horrible, horrible circumstance. However, we all want you to live the absolute best life you can, and this is our best option,"

"It's your best option,"

"No. This is in your interests, I want you to have the best chances of getting a kidney,"

"But dad is a good match. Why can't he give me his?"

"There is a much higher chance of rejection,"

"But we are the same. Why is my mum a better match?"

"Sometimes it just happens," I said, holding her hand, "And it really sucks,"

"What do you think I should do?"

"It is not my call to make, this is your body,"

"But what do you think, dad? I can't make this choice on my own," she sobbed, "What do I do?"

"I think...,"

But what did I think?

I wanted her to have the best chances, but the best chances meant Kiera and for both of us that was extremely difficult to process.

I couldn't believe I wasn't the best match.

But there was a better match willing to donate. And I valued Gabi having better chances over everything Kiera had ever put us through.

"I think we should go for the best option. And I know that sucks," I said, my voice wobbling, "Gosh it really sucks, but we have the chance to make you feel better,"

"But it's mum. And she hurt you, and I don't want you to see her in me,"

"I'm not gonna see her in you ever. Never ever ever. This doesn't change how I feel about you!"

"I need time to think,"

"Okay, let me know by about 2pm,"

As he left, she looked at me and sighed, wiping her own tears before turning over to bundle under the duvet. Away from me.

"Are you really okay with this?"

"I am okay with you having the best chances possible,"

"I don't wanna do it, dad. I don't want the transplant at all,"

"This is all super scary, but all of us will take good care of you. It's going to make you feel so much better,"

"But I don't want her kidney,"

"I know," I said, feeling a tear run down my own face, "I know sweetheart. But it will be okay, it will be your own kidney once it's in,"

"It won't be,"

"It's your body who will use it,"

She turned back over and looked at me, causing me to rapidly wipe my tears away; she didn't bother with her own.

"Fine. I will do it,"

"Okay,"

"But I don't want to see her,"

"You don't have to,"

"And I don't wanna talk to Calum. He went behind our backs,"

"I felt the same when I first found out, but we have to remember this is for our own good. He's getting you the best kidney,"

Quietly, she began to cry again, so I ran my fingers through her head and rested my head close, kissing her forehead every so often. I didn't know what to say.

Her heart rate was still really high, so a nurse came in and gave her medicine to calm her down, but it just made her sobs turn into little cries.

There was a knock on the door and she began to shout at them to go away, but Sierra peeked her head round and Gabi stopped, just taking deep breaths.

"Hey, do you two need anything?"

"I think we just need some space, particularly from Calum for a bit. Maybe some water for Gabi,"

"Okay,"

"Can you do the surgery?"

"You agreed to do it?"

I waited for her to answer, but she didn't, so I nodded and she gave me one back, blowing a kiss.

"Dad,"

"Yeah?"

"Can you stay off work?"

"Of course I will, I will look after you. Of course I will sweetheart,"

"Thank you,"

Sierra walked back in and put water on the side, then cautiously listened to Gabi's breathing.

Then, she leant down and hugged Gabi, who melted into her arms. Right now she needed a female figure, I felt. She needed to know that someone good was there for her as not a mother, but a mother like figure. Her head was full of negativity about her own.

"You're gonna be okay. I'll make sure no one knows who that kidney comes from, and in the surgery I get to make it yours to keep. Your body is going to use it,"

"Okay,"

"Are you worried about the surgery itself?"

"I don't wanna talk about it all right now,"

"That's okay. Have some water and a good nap,"

She let go of Gabi and helped me tuck her in, then gave me a kiss and left.

Then, Gabi turned over and shut her eyes, creating a shield round her head with the duvet, blocking me out completely.