Deals //~Baku x Todo

18

He puts his head on my lap and his arms around my waist, then looks up at me with an anxious expression.
"Hey....so about last night...it's not making you uncomfortable or anything, right?"

"No. Of course not. You get that I like you in that kind of way too, right?"

"...yeah"
He smiles a little relieved.

"Are you really gonna be okay?"
He adds, his head leaned against my stomach.

''I don't know..."

"Did you have a bad dream?"

"No"
I lie. I know that if I tell him about my dream, he'll get even more upset and will insist on staying here with me instead of going to school.

I put my hand in his hair and caress his head, my scar covered arms, gently placed around him. Eventhough I think I should feel something -butterflies or my heart skipping a beat- I just feel sort of empty.
I pull up my legs, hugging Bakugou even tighter. And so does he.

"You have to go to school"
I say.

"I don't want to leave you alone."

"Don't worry. I don't feel like doing anything besides laying in bed anyway"

"....Okay"
He hesitates, but gets up and kisses my forehead.

"I love you, you know that, right?"
He asks and I nod.

"Mhm"i let ny cheek be kissed my him again.

"Okay. I'll see if I can come ever during lunch. Don't do anything dumb."
He adds as he leaves through the window.

I let myself fall back onto the bed and crawl under the warm blanket, one of my pillows behind my back, making me feel a bit safer as I pull the collar of the shirt over my mouth and nose, breathing in my boyfriend's scent.

I don't like lying to Bakugou
But...I there's no way I could tell him what that dream was about.

Before falling asleep last night, I was so happy and was glad to fall asleep in his arms once again.
But as soon as I drifted off, I found myself standing in my room.
I looked down at the chair I'm standing on, when something bumped against my head.
My gaze wandered along the thick rope, leading up to a hook in the ceiling, I'd never seen before. One end of the soft, white rope was tied to my bed, but the other was tied into an elegant knot, forming a nice loop.
I could feel my heart skip a beat when I finally realized what this scene was.

A tear ran down my face and that is around the time, I think I actually started crying in my sleep.

The next thing I remeber is putting the noose around my neck and pushing away the chair.
For some reason, a wave of relief washed over me in that moment. Though I was choking, slowly suffocating, able to feel the life draining from my body, I felt relieved. Happy.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the end of it.
I just wish I had woken up then.

Suddenly, I was standing infront of my own, lifeless body. My face and skin pale and my lips, a deep shade of blue.
I tried to touch the corpse infront of me, but my hand went through.
That's when the door behind me fell shut.
I turned around to see Bakugou staring shock, terror written all over his face, him having fallen backwards against the door, shutting it in the process.
I watched him let out a shaky breath.

"Sho"
He whispered, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Sho!"
He yelled, trying to get up.
When succeeded, he ran over to me, snapping the rope with an explosion, then proceeded to give me CPR.
Knowing him, he probably was aware of the fact it was already too late, but his judgement must've been clouded because he kept yelling my name, over and over again, in an agonizingly helpless tone of voice.

"Shoto!"
He sobs
"Nonono! Please! Please come back Sho!"

Tears welled up in my eyes and my vision became blurry as the realization hit me. I can't comfort him. I want to do nothing else but hug him, comfort him.
But I can't.
Because I'm dead.

"You're gonna be okay! I promise! So wake up! I won't be mad so just open your eyes!"
He kept on doing the heart message, but I knew, my body would never again move on its own.

"I'll do anything! So just-"

"Please baby I love you! So just open your fucking eyes!"
He yelled out, a mix of sadness and anger taking over his voice.

"Sho!"
He sobbed, finally, after minutes of trying, having given up on trying to revive me.

"Ba- Katsuki"
I called out to him, but he could hear me. I tried to hug him, but passed right through him.
He let's out an agonizing scream and holds my cold body in his arms.

At this point, people have noticed his yelling and Kirishima bursts in, through the door.

"Bakug-"

"Sho! Wake up please! Please just be asleep"
Bakugou sobbed, not having noticed Kirishim, who's face has gone pale.
My teacher appeared out of nowhere and I watched him rush over to Bakugou.

"Bakugou. Is he-"

"Don't fuckung touch me!"
Bakugou snapped at him.
"And don't touch him!"

"Oh-oh my-"
My teacher had looked around the room and seen the rope and chair as well as the noose, still dangling around my neck.

Out of nowhere, EMTs had appeared and tried to carry me away. (It's a dream afterall)

I continued to watch my boyfriend cling onto my lifeless body, begging for me not to be taken away. For me, not to be taken away from him.
When they had finally forced him to let go of the corpse in his arms, he just sat there, crying with the noose in his hands.
And I had to watch.
I was forced to watch my boyfriend cry for what felt like hours, after I had killed myself. And it broke my heart.
He kept repeating the words: 'I love you' and 'I hate you' and 'Please, just come back to me'.

I distinctly remeber a beautiful bouquet of flowers lying by the door. White and yellow roses.

The thing that gave me the final push, to make myself make up, was that I didn't feel any regret. No remorse. No sadness except for the one that overwhelmed me when I realized I wasn't able to comfort Bakugou. And never would be again.

I'm a horrible person for feeling that way. Happy. Not regretful. He's been so good to me, taking care of me, being understanding and supportive no matter what and what do I reward him with? Nothing.
And I was even so calm after waking up. How?

The worst thing is that the mere idea of doing what I dreamed about, is still so tempting.

***
1733 words