For The Empire - Sempre

Chapter 70

JOHN PAUL

The month and a half that has followed after losing the baby has been hard. 

Very hard.

I feel helpless not knowing what I could do to help Stella. From what I can see, she's gone through the all of the stages of grief, but lingers in between denial and anger the most. And no one has been the exception on being on the receiving end of her anger. Including any of the men, or even the kids, unfortunately. They've been steering clear of her lately. 

Except for Toby. 

When she walks in a room he always goes to her and holds her hand or climbs on her lap and just sits with her. We never did get the chance to tell Lola or Tobin that we were going to have a baby; Stella wanted to wait until the twelve week scan.

She cries for hours at night after she thinks I've fallen asleep. And when she doesn't sleep she usually goes to the gym and then I find her sleeping in the family room in the mornings.

As for me, I try to stay as busy as I can to keep my mind off of things when I'm not home. Putting invisible bandages over the gaping hole I feel where my heart has been ripped out. Things were postponed a couple of weeks after we lost the baby, but now I'm pushing everything forward and putting a lot of focus on taking down the Albanians.  

Everything is set up to go after the next couple of days. I know this won't be the only enemies we will ever have to face, but for now, I want to end this feud once and for all. 

But my focus is on getting through the night. It's Thanksgiving and I have no idea how it's going to go. 

"You ready, princess?" I question walking out of the closet as I work on my tie. Stella is sitting in the chair near the window, with a sad expression on her face, watching the snow fall outside.

She doesn't respond and I walk over to her placing my hand on her shoulder. She jumps at the contact. "Sorry, I asked if you are ready." 

She looks up at me, her eyes are watery but she blinks quickly and smiles. "Sure." 

I give her my hand and she takes it as I help her stand and then I wrap my arms around her. I try not to feel hurt as she stiffens in my arms. "I love you, Stella." She nods against my chest. I kiss her head and move my arm around her waist as we walk out of the room together.

"Did you want to come to the meeting on Monday?"

Again, she doesn't respond. "Baby?"

"Huh?" She looks at me. 

"Did you want to come to the meeting on Monday?"

"If you want me there." 

"Do you want to be there?" I ask.

"If you need me there." 

"Stella, it's not about what I want or need. I mean, I'd like you to be there if you feel ready." I explain. 

As we come to the entrance of dining room, the excited chatter coming from within reaches us and she stops before we go in. 

"I don't need you pressuring me to go, John Paul," her eyes hardened. 

"I wasn't, I'm not." 

"Then quit badgering me about it," She takes a deep breath, pressing her hands to her face before she looks back at me. "I'm sorry. I'll go when I need to; you have everything under control." She surprises me when she brings my hand to her lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of my hand. 

I take the opportunity to cup her face gently. She looks back at me anxiously and I lean down to kiss her forehead. I don't want to push her too fast considering she feels like I'm pestering her.