My lord and his mistress

Chapter 5

I lie in bed, feeling unusually empty. I felt empty most days, but this was the emptiness of the lust I used to feel.

Now I felt nothing. And whether that was good or bad... I wasn't sure.

I was instructed to meditate and practice controlling my hellfire. It was far stronger than before and although that was good, it was bad at the same time. I could burn anything within 40 meters to a crisp and that was a recipe for disaster.

I took a seat on my carpet and took in a deep breath, steadying my mind and relaxing my body.

" The better your concentration, the easier it will be for you to control your expanded hellfire. You'll control it. I know you can."

" Wait... but what will... I become?"

" Well... It's complicated. On a technicality, you're an elemental. But to some extent, you're just an ordinary demon."

"... Oh."

I pushed out my breath slowly. The longer I was in this state of half-consciousness, the easier it was to make decisions, and the better I was able to understand. It was also easier to sense everything near me. As my front door opened, with god-like speed, a dagger was at the demon's throat. I just as speedily withdrew as I opened my eyes. Satan stood before me and smiled. " It's been 2 weeks and you've gotten very  good at sensing. " He placed his hand on my shoulder " If you would've tried to discern my aura, my intentions and my core, you may have realized it was me and simply opened your eyes."

I blinked and nodded " Yeah, I should try that next time."

" Have you spoken to your family at all?" It was almost like an arrow that had just narrowly missed my face. " Huh?"

" You have 2 daughters and a husband, I'm sure you haven't forgotten after a few months of being separate and celibate?"

" I... Haven't forgotten them."

" Let me guess... But you also haven't forgotten what you did to them?" I nodded shakily. He sighed softly and pulled me in for an embrace. " You and me both. But the goal is to correct. Some things are so much easier than they seem. So don't beat yourself up. Focus on your training and improvement. "

" Thank you." I whispered, grateful for his encouragement. He disappeared and I closed my door,  locking it afterwards. I had to stay in a meditative state for more time. And then eventually less time for more concentrated attacks and better focus. I bit my lip and hoped it stopped the tears that flooded my face just thinking about my family and everything I put together yet only knew how to destroy with my own two hands. The tears and the regret came despite that. All of it at once. Fucking someone else because of my petty feelings and abandoning Blaise so as to not make her feel worse among other things. But I had to bear that weight until I had the strength to confront it head on, no matter what.

I either was getting better, or I wasn't. That was all there was to it. I sat down and tried again, to maintain that focus and that control that I was slowly regaining.

The air became much lighter and just like that, I began feeling weightless.

" Cassandra?" A distant voice called. I shifted my focus to the voice, the energy behind it, and the intent. I very slowly broke my focus and focused in on the man before me." Yes?" I asked. I could sense every movement of his, as the air around me was shifting and thinning. I let his hand touch my shoulder and I placed my own hand over his. It was my husband... This was Joshua's touch. My eyes opened finally and met his own. So blue... So, so blue. So loving and so patient... And so kind... But he saw something in my eyes that clearly worried him. " How have you been, love?"

" ... " I just stared at him. I loved him enough not to give him half-assed lip service. Because nothing I could say would actually convey how sorry I was to him... How much I missed what we had.

He sat to my left and dropped himself across my lap. He stared up at me, plainly. " I thought you were with Michael... What happened between you two?" He asked.

"..." I pushed his hair aside and fixed the collar of his heather grey button up. His jaw was as gorgeous as ever and his lips looked pillowy and soft as they always did. His warm chest that I used to fall asleep on... Here he was. In the flesh. " How have you been managing?" He asked, calmly. I felt a wave of emotion come over me... I gently lifted his head from my lap to my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and sighed deeply " I don't know the answers to those questions, Joshua." I whispered. " But I'm glad you're well." 

" You're... different. What happened to you?" 

" Well, the most that I can say is that in the end, I chose us... and that I choose you."

" Don't insult me. Thank you for the compliment, though." His stifled anger was justified. I simply shrugged " Take it as you see fit." I whispered, closing my eyes and maintaining a soft focus. 

" You're giving me so little to go on..." he sighed, annoyed and seeming slightly needy.

I looked to the floor "Because there isn't much at all."