psithurism | DNF

chapter 30

TW: Issues with self-image, bad mental health, implied suicide, auditory hallucinations. You're loved<3

Another hidden lyric in this chapter because these are fun to do.

Also, I am making George's schedule now so I don't get confused later.
Block 1: math,
Block 2: English,
Block 3: coding and technology,
Block 4: study hall,
Block 5: botany,
Block 6: band.
Lunch is set after block 4. Hope this isn't too confusing!!

Also, remember when I told you guys you should be confused? Most of it will be answered in this chapter:))

———

Suddenly, everything clicked together. He was standing in front of the door pretending to smile because he had been with Leo prior.

He put on a fake smile so George wouldn't suspect anything. Of course, he was with Leo. George just could never be good enough for anyone, not even his parents. That was another reason.

And Leo knew of the situation because Dream had been telling him everything. They were working together on this. Working together to absolutely crush George's life until there was nothing to crush anymore and he would simply end it.

But he promised? He promised. Why did he promise!?

Why did he have to continuously lie to him? Why did he have to blow one little wisp of air at the fire that fought to stay lit each day in George's body?

Why was he the fire burning down his forest, causing the forest fires in their sacred little hearts.

He looked at George in pure fear, sweat starting to form on his forehead. And he looked back with watery eyes threading to spill any second now.

Now the walls really were caving in on him.

George would die alone with absolutely no one. After all, he's a selfish little prick that needed to keep to himself because he was such a handful!

But he ran, he ran till he had reached his tree. What used to be their tree.

He slid down the tree, back against it. Thinking about how worthless he was, not quite letting the tears spill yet.

Every single day was pure agony for him. He was slowly losing him and his sanity and one day the world would have done enough and he would take care of it himself.

But he wasn't letting that thought overtake him, yet at least.

~
— (Look up the definition of psithurism
so the next paragraph will make more sense!)—
~

As he sat below his tree, listening to the musical psithurism of his tree, he cried, a lot. The mascara ran down his cheeks. To which he quickly wiped away with his sweater sleeves.

He thought of what he could do to get his mind off of everything. The thought of band somehow came to his mind. Then remembered he still had the assignment of writing his songs.

He pulled out his book immediately and wrote down three topics. Perhaps the grimmest topics.

His parents, his friend group back home, and Dream.

He would make a song for each of them, maybe he would try to get his way out of performing them in front of the whole school and snobby rich parents that had come back to see their kids they had selfishly sent away.

He wasn't sure what the meaning would be behind writing songs for these people, but sooner or later he would figure it out.

But he tried to keep that thought away from his mind as of right now. (Be confused)

He had heard Mitski had dropped a song and not continued to write it, so he would continue for her. The non-finished lyrics had been leaked years prior and he had heard parody's to it and always wished to make one. (Let's pretend the song wasn't finished)

Now was his chance. He had been told in the past he had a soothing voice so he wasn't scared of what others may think.

He just wanted to keep it private for now.

He made up his own title, 'Washing Machine Heart'. He remembered he had also wanted to make his own background music so he would work on that during band today.

He began to write his own lyrics, often erasing what he wrote. And before he realized it, first period had finished and second period was already halfway through.

"Fuck!" He mumbled before quickly packing up his not even half writer lyrics he had shed enough angry tears about into his backpack and ran back into the school.

—

Once he reached English, he took a few seconds to breathe. Mr.Frost was an understanding teacher so he took that to his advantage. He slowly opened the door, the attention now focused on him instead of the teacher.

He quickly explained that his morning hadn't been the easiest to Mr.Frost, he nodded and reassured him he was here for him.

He appreciated the gesture, but he could get through this by himself. He didn't want to dump everything he'd been struggling with onto someone so pure. Or onto anyone truthfully.

His father always taught him after all, he had to 'man up!'.

He sat down in the corner, farthest away from Leo. He had noticed Leo snickered at him when he approached Mr.Frost. Leo was the only person that could bring down his confidence, and he wasn't sure why.

Maybe because he's better than you and always will be.

The voice in his head told him. And he couldn't find it in him to deny it. He had grown to believe this new voice in his head. He hadn't completely dotted down when it started, but it was eating him up.

Why had everything seemed to go downhill ever since Dream entered his life?

Every single day he noticed something new in his life that could be asked why?

'Why was he still alive?' was one the voice often said a lot.

Before he knew it, the bell had rung. The rest of the day was miserable, but he pushed to get through it. Once the school day finished, he rushed to his room and closed and locked the bathroom door on himself, and balled like a little kid. (don't feel "little" for crying, it's perfectly normal to cry<3)

Once he heard footsteps, he stopped crying almost immediately. That was another thing he had mastered since he was younger.

He wiped his tears away and splashed his face with water before stepping out of the bathroom.

He found Dream laying on his bed, Dream shared a couple of seconds of eye contact, then quickly looked away. He looked hurt? (once again, be confused)

Why should he be hurt after everything he had caused for George. He was the one letting Leo get away with making his life quite trash.

For only Dream may know.

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hello hi hey:D this is possibly the worst my mental health has been so i'm sorry if this chapter sucks, i didn't try my hardest to look over it but i did what i could:) i'm gonna try to be honest with you guys because i believe you should know the truth:) hope you like it either way!! also please give me feedback, i want to get better at writing

anyways i hope your guys day has gone well and if it didn't then my dms are always open! i love making people happy or just making someone feel safe with my presence so please reach out if you need someone to talk too, i'll listen and give advice if you'd like it:) always know you're worth so so much and i'm proud of you:D i appreciate you and everything you do, you're loved !

have an amazing rest of your day/night!
-ali<3