psithurism | DNF

chapter 35

TW: suicide attempt mention, isolation mentioned. my own religious beliefs and experiences are tied in with the beginning of the chapter. if I see any arguing or anything of religion, I will delete your comment. you may relate but don't argue.

also, it's my bday:D
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*Skipping to mid-February*
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The only thing that life promises, is death.

Life didn't promise a good life. Whatever was or wasn't above didn't promise it either. Nor did it listen to his desperate prayers. He gave up on praying after his attempt.

He felt forced to practice his prayers every night before falling asleep, feeling guilty if he forgot. Now going to bed every night with the urge to say his prayers picks at him.

But he didn't believe anything was above, so what was the point? To comfort him? Well, it only made him guilty, and he didn't need that in his life.

He couldn't figure out why he still felt the need to recite his prayers. He never did, but it's like they were engraved in his brain. Like a constant thing he needs to do like brushing his teeth. Though, it's a choice. Just like brushing your teeth. (do NOT comment "Ewwww who doesn't brush their teeth", it could tie in with someone's mental health and motivation.)

George still repeated the words his Father said to him. He felt the need too, like prayers. Now it wasn't really a choice, the voice would say it automatically and he couldn't stop it. He wished he could though.

When will he be able to? To stop the voices in his head, he would start praying again. Just, please, stop.

When will I be happy?

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As George passed in the halls, he kept his head down. He wasn't in the mood to interact with anyone. Getting up was as difficult as usual. But he luckily got past that.

This was his 2nd to last class, Botany. He liked being able to plant things then bring them to his room. His bed area was filled with a variety of plants. It made him feel like he had a purpose.

To take care of them was comforting. He would feel bad if he didn't.

As he met the wooden door, he went to go push it open when his hand was met with a paper-ish material. He looked up, a sign was put up.

Won't be able to make it today! Take today's class as a study hall.

He rolled his eyes, he was looking forward to today's class. But he took the chance to go to the roof.

He rushed up there, struggling to find his AirPods while running him the stairs. He eventually found them and calmed himself down, going up the stairs slower.

The weather was beginning to warm up just the slightest. Today was around 40 degrees Fahrenheit. So George only felt he needed a sweatshirt and an undershirt. Luckily, he had one stuffed in his backpack.

He pulled it over his head before heading out the roof door. He was immediately met with a huff of wind once stepping out.

He enjoyed it.

He sat at the ledge, per usual, and dangled his feet off. He decided to listen to Kanye's albums, Yeezus and ye.

He wouldn't be able to finish them in the time he had, but he liked how the songs had meanings behind them.