When we got outside, the whole club was there, on their bikes, completely blocking the road. Quintin made his way to me. He gave me a reassuring smile and threw me my vest. He nodded once and went back to his motorcycle. I put it on and got on my motorcycle as well. Quintin started riding and so did everyone else. It was still somewhat of a ride back to my hometown, if I can even call it so.
The closer we got, the more trapped I felt. I did not want to go back, specially not to attend my mother's funeral... I was already so heavy with pain and sorrow but I knew the moment I saw her, laying cold and pale, I'd break down crying like a little boy. I spent the whole trip preparing myself mentally for that moment, and I thought I had it. I thought I would be able to hold my own but boy, little did I know.
When we reached the cemetery where the ceremony would take place, there were dozens of police cars parked outside. Thomas had planned it, of course he would bring the whole damn police station with him, thinking he was paying me some sort of tribute. We parked our bikes. Quintin looked around and then gave me this look, with one of his eyebrows lifted. I pretended not to notice. I really had no explanation but I felt like I didn't have to. It wasn't my doing.
I moved inside. The boys followed. Finally, we got to the site Thomas had picked. I kid you not, you could cut the tension with a knife. Cops and criminals, all attending the same funeral. Had it not been my own mother laying dead there, I'd make it a hell of a joke to tell over and over again. When Thomas saw me, and the boys, his eyes opened wide. He looked around and made his way to me, urgently. He pulled me aside.
-What the hell do you think you're doing?-He asked me, offended.
-Attending my mom's funeral.
-Why would you bring them?!-He was mad.
-Well, why would you bring THEM?!
-What...-He took a deep breath.-These are your friends! This is your family! These people you brought, they didn't even knew La'Kisha!
-My family rode with me, Thomas.-I told him, coldly.- Now, if you excuse me, I came here to see my mom, not you.
-No!-He held my arm. Quintin noticed what was going on.-You call these criminals your family?! They barely even know you!
-Everything alright, kid?-Quintin approached us. Thomas rolled his eyes and sighted. I brushed his hand off of me aggressively and left with Quintin.
Quintin accompanied me until we got next to the rest of the boys, then I made my way on my own through the sea of cops in uniforms, without looking anyone in the eyes, but with my head held high, to my mom's coffin.
I wasn't ready. I was not ready for the kick in the teeth it really was. When I saw her, laying, eyes closed, chest motionless, skin white as chalk, that was when reality really hit me and it felt like a tsunami crashed right on top of me. I fell to my knees immediately, tears running down my cheeks. I had never felt pain like that, to the point of despair. Every breath I took was lacerating, every heartbeat a nightmare.
Eventually, a friendly hand came to my aid. Thomas helped me up. He looked at me and nodded. We agreed, without words, to leave all animosity for later.
The funeral was a nightmare. I cried like a baby. It was my mother, and watching the ground swallow her was... I can't even find words to describe it. It was the most painful moment of my life.
All things considered, it all went smoothly inside. Both parties were clearly bothered by the simple presence of each other, yet both held their grounds and respected me and my mother above all. The boys were agitated, uneasy, only Quintin remained as calm as the ocean. He kept a tight leash on the boys, making them ignore some not so funny comments, and as a result, everyone left in one piece.
