"No!" I scream across the field when I see what Amilia is up to. She has put on the infinity gauntlet and I can see on her face that she is determined to sacrifice herself for all of us. With tears in her eyes she looks at me and silently forms the words "I'm sorry. I love you." Without paying attention to my surroundings, I run towards her, but don't make it in time. When she snaps her fingers I feel part of me die. I never really had to worry about her because I knew that no one would be able to kill her except herself. And now she has done just that. She sacrificed herself for us, for me, for emily. Only at the edge of my perception do I notice how Thanos and his army dissolve into dust and disappear. But I'm too focused on Amilia to be happy about it. When I get to her, her eyes are closed and she is lying lifeless on the floor. "No! Baby please! No!" When I can no longer detect any sign of life, I collapse next to her. Crying, I pull her head into my lap. What happens next all feels so unreal. Bucky is the first with us and collapses as desperately as I do when he sees her on the ground. So it is for everyone. Tony, Nat, Clint, Pietro, Wanda, Thor, Loki, Groot, Rocket, Peter, Quill - they all collapse when they see what the victory has cost us. Only Strange seems to be calm. "Get her on the jet and take her home. Have Bruce check her out in the hospital wing. And give her blood!" When Tony and Clint tried to take her away from me, I freaked out. Bucky is the only one who can keep me in check, crying I collapse in his arms and we cry together. "Bucky, I don't know how to go on without her. What do I tell Emily?" I stutter sobbing. But Bucky doesn't seem to know either. He just holds me tight.
I don't know how I got home, but at some point I find myself in one of the rooms in the hospital wing by Amilia's bed. As soon as we got home, Bruce did all sorts of tests and actually found that she was still alive. I have no idea whether this is just a momentary condition or not, but I allow myself a small glimmer of hope. To my relief, on the day the fight took place, Pepper drove away with Morgan and Emily. First and foremost, she did that so that the two of them would not notice anything at all. Now I'm really happy because that means that I still have some time to think about what to tell Emily. "Why did she do that?" Pietro asks the question most of us ask ourselves. "She knew that was the only way to win the fight," says Strange, very quietly. It's only now that I realize that she must have known since Strange and Tony were with us that morning. That's why she was so nervous and tense the days before the fight. She knew or assumed that her time with us would soon be over. "She saved us," Bucky stated absently. He is sitting across from me on the other side of her bed and is also holding her hand. I am angry. Angry because she didn't tell me, angry because Strange didn't tell me. Angry because fate is taking away the love of my life again. "But she'll survive, won't she? She's strong enough for that .... right?" asks Peter, wiping tears from his face. I wish I had an answer to that. Something tugs at my pant leg and when I look down I see Groot. He too has glassy eyes and holds out his arms to me. I pick him up and put him on the mattress. Like a dog who wants to comfort its injured owner, he snuggles up to her side. "She has to make it. Otherwise, I don't know how to survive this," I whisper.
A couple of days have passed. Amilia's condition is still unchanged. Emily has been back since the beginning of the week. I still don't know how to explain all of this to her. So I decided to tell her that her mother went on vacation to relax after the fight. Fortunately, the others play along. That was definitely not my best idea, but I can't tell her the truth. I can't stand the thought of her being sad or even desperate. I spend half of the day with Emily, which costs me a lot of strength. Pretending that everything is okay when I know it's not is damn exhausting. I spend the rest of the day at Amilia's bed. During this time, the others take turns looking after Emily. We are all careful to keep her out of the hospital wing to prevent her from seeing her mother like this. "Daddy?" my heart stops when I hear the soft voice of my daughter. She has always been too curious for her own good. Apparently she managed to slip away unnoticed. When I turn to her, still holding Amilia's hand, I see the shock and fear on her face that I never wanted to see there. Tears form in her eyes and when I want to walk up to her she turns around and runs away. "Emily wait!" I scream and start running after her. When I reach her she is running out the front door. I grab her just in time before she runs out onto the street. I hug her tightly even though she struggles against my grip. She strikes desperately. "You told me that mom is only on vacation, that both of you are fine!" When she has calmed down a bit, I put her down on the floor and kneel down to her. "I know darling, I'm sorry. But Mommy will be fine, we just have to believe in it." "And if not? What if I lose you at some point too?" It breaks my heart to see her like that. That's exactly what I wanted to prevent. It's silly, but right now I'm so mad at Amilia. Why did she do this to us? Even if, according to Strange, it was the only way to win, how could she do it? I wipe the tears from her face and press her tightly to me again. "That won't happen honey. Daddy will never leave you, I promise. No more fights from now on." Emily refuses to leave my side for the rest of the day. Before I put her to bed, she insists on seeing her mother again. I go back to Amilia's room with her and sit back on the chair next to the bed, Emily on my lap. She takes her mother's hand and starts crying again. "You can't leave me Mommy. Please wake up." When Amilia doesn't respond, Emily turns on my lap and buries her face in my chest. I try to calm her down as best I can, but have to pull myself together so as not to break into tears again. At some point she cried herself to sleep in my arms. I don't want to leave her alone tonight. With her in my arms I get up, kiss Amilia on the lips and mumble "please don't leave us alone baby. We love you and we need you." Then I take Emily to the makeshift bedroom of Amilia's and me and put her to bed. I cover her up and kiss her on the forehead. "I love you honey and I will never leave you alone."
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Hidden Memories - A Steve Rogers Lovestory
FanfictionAs a self-protection, from the traumatic experiences of her past, Amilia has locked out her past. In fact, she hardly remembers anything. And the little she remembers is fuzzy and unclear. All she knows is that having to deal with these things would...
