Hidden Memories - A Steve Rogers Lovestory

I can't lose him again

When we arrive at the base, I storm in and see the others gathered in the living room. "Where is he?" I ask in a panic. "Amilia, sit down. You can't go to him now" Tony holds me by the wrist as I want to walk past him. In a fit of desperate anger, I turn to him, grab him by the throat and push him against the wall "don't you tell me what I can do!" Suddenly I don't feel any more ground beneath me. "Calm down, Amilia. He's right. Steve is undergoing surgery at the moment. You can't see him now." Thor lifted me as if I didn't weigh anything and carried me away from Tony. He puts me on the sofa and I start crying. "I promise I will bring you to him as soon as possible," Tony says as he sits down next to me on the sofa. "I can't lose him again Tony" I cry while letting him pull me into his arms without resistance. "Steve is strong and incredibly tough. He can do it," Tony says but I can see in his mind that he is not entirely sure of it himself. "Come on. Let's take you to your room and put you in more comfortable clothes," says Tony as he gets up after a while and holds out his hand to me. Still in shock, I didn't even know that this was possible for someone like me, I let him pull me upstairs and follow him into my room. There I take a shower before I put on a cozy sweater and sweatpants and go back to the bedroom. Tony has turned down my covers in the meantime and I see a big pink plush bear sitting on one of the pillows. I look at him questioningly. "Wanda brought that over. She wanted to do something to make you feel better. She says when she's feeling bad it always helps if she has a teddy bear with her to cuddle with" he shrugs his shoulders. That's damn cute of her. I'm not really into cuddly toys, but the thought of having something to hold on to is somehow comforting. I snuggle up in bed and pull the teddy bear in my arms. "Take a rest. I'll let you know as soon as there's something new" Tony gives me a quick kiss on the forehead before walking to the door. "Hey Tony?" he turns around to me. "I'm sorry I attacked you earlier." "It's okay little one. I would probably have reacted the same in your situation." He smiles before going through the door and closing it behind him. I barely have enough time to turn from side to side when there is a knock on my door. "Come in" I say and I hope to see Tony in the door who brings me news about Steve. But suddenly Spidey is standing in the door with Groot on his shoulder. "Hey," says Peter shyly. You can tell that he was crying. "I am groot" says Groot and asks me if I'm okay. "Not really buddy. But you're welcome to come in if you want." Groot jumps off Peter's shoulder and climbs onto the bed with me. With his tendrils he pulls himself up on my shoulder and wraps his arms around my neck. His kind of hug. Then he jumps off my shoulder and makes himself comfortable on my thighs. "Steve will be fine," says Peter as he sits on the edge of my bed. "But what if not Peter? Everything and everyone that means something to me is taken away from me again and again. How can I continue to live like this?" i shout. My sudden emotional outburst seems to have startled Groot. He looks at me fearfully and I see tears in his eyes. "Sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, Peter. But I just don't know what to do." "Well, at least you don't have to go through it alone this time. This time you have a family that is there for you" Peter gives me a sad smile and I know he's right. Nobody here will allow me to deal with the situation on my own. But if Steve doesn't survive, they won't stop me from ending my existence once and for all. A third time I can't stand losing my lover. I grab Peter's hand and try to pull myself together to cheer him up a little. Peter is always so happy that it gives me physical pain to see him so sad. "Would you like to watch a movie with me? That might distract us all?" Peter and Groot nod and I slide a little to the side so that Peter also has room on the bed. We watch Superbad together. Peter said it was a good thing if you want to avoid anything sad. As the film is about to end I wonder if Peter is really as naive and innocent as everyone thinks. I am torn from my thoughts when Bruce opens the door to my room. "Can I see him now?" I ask before he even has a chance to say something. "Yes you can. But Amilia ..." he hesitates, seems to be looking for the right words. "What Bruce?" I ask impatiently. "He's still unconscious. We ... we had to put him in an artificial coma." Coma? That means at least that he is still alive. Without waiting for another word, I run past Bruce towards the hospital wing. As I enter the room where Steve is lying, tears well up in my eyes. His face is swollen and covered with bruises and scratches. There are hoses everywhere that go from him to some devices. I sit on the chair next to his bed and take his limp hand in mine. "Please baby. You can't leave me. I need you here," I think as I rest my head on his hand and desperately start crying.