Hidden Memories - A Steve Rogers Lovestory

The letter

With the Avengers while Amilia is on her way to Mystic Falls
"Amilia? Can we talk please?" Steve hesitantly knocks on the door of her room. Although he doesn't get any response, he decides to go inside. As soon as he has opened the door he realizes that the room is empty and that almost all of your things are gone. Confused by the fact that you seem to be gone, he runs into the kitchen to ask the others if they know where you are. "Guys, did any of you see Amilia?" "Not since last night. Why?" asks Wanda, who is pouring cornflakes into a bowl. "She's not in her room and almost all of her things are gone." "She's gone," says a softly broken voice. Steve turns in the direction the voice is coming from and sees Bucky standing in the doorway. His eyes are red and it is clear to see that he was crying. "What do you mean?" asks Tony who is only now showing interest in the whole scenario. Without saying anything, Bucky holds out a letter to him. Tony skims it briefly and gives Bucky a puzzled look. "What does that letter say, Tony?" asks Steve. "Bucky?" Tony looks at him and waits for him to give him permission to read the letter aloud. Bucky nods and new tears start to run down his cheeks.

Hey Bucky, I'm sorry I just run away, but I can't do this. Remembering you and our time together in Brooklyn was painful, but somehow I got along with it. But when Steve kissed me last night ... so many more memories came back. Memories of the three of us together, memories of you and Steve. And especially memories of me and Steve - how we laughed, danced and fell in love together. All of a sudden all these feelings are back and it confuses me so much. I am so afraid of what is still waiting for me in my subconscious. But you already know that. I can't be near you. In the few days that I spent here with you, the wall that my consciousness built to keep certain things out has simply collapsed. And I'm afraid that I won't be able to cope with what might come next. So I try to prevent more memories from surfacing. Please tell the others that I am sorry. And that I was only so bitchy because it keeps people away. Even if it is asking a lot, I ask you to keep certain things that I have told you to yourself. I don't know if I'll be back. But I'm grateful that I was able to see my best friend again. I love you Bucky. Love, trouble.

When Tony is finished there is a heavy silence in the room, all eyes are on Bucky who is still crying. "What memories is Amilia talking about?" asks Thor, visibly confused. "I guess Bucky has a lot to explain," Tony says calmly. Bucky clears his throat before he starts to speak, his gaze resting on Steve. "Steve and I know Amilia from back in 1940 when we lived in Brooklyn. The first time I saw her, she looked familiar to me, but I couldn't say why. Amilia never crossed my mind. After all, she would have must be very old or dead. But then we danced together at the historic ball and it hit me like a blow. " Steve looks at Bucky in disbelief when he asks "So is it really her?" "Yes Steve, she's alive" Bucky seems less sad when he says that fact. "When we danced together it suddenly felt like I was in the past. Suddenly everything was clear again and I could remember every detail from that time. And Amilia felt the same way. That's why she just ran away that evening. She was confused and scared because up until that moment she couldn't remember me at all." "Why didn't you tell me all of this, Bucky?" asks Steve who is getting angry. "Because the memories apparently only affected me. She didn't mention you at all and I had to promise her I wouldn't tell anyone about the fact that we met decades ago. I guess the kiss yesterday was the trigger for the memories of you." Steve is paralyzed. Over the years he kept wondering how Amilia had fared. How her life was after he didn't come back to her. So often he asked himself if she was still alive and if so, if she missed him as much as he missed her. All these years she was out there and consciously locked him out of her memories. The thought that she didn't want him in her life anymore, not even as a memory, makes him feel like his heart is breaking. "But what I don't understand - if you two seem to have been such an important part in her life, why does she disappear the moment she finally has you both back?" Tony says the question that is on the tip of everyone's tongue. Bucky sighs exhausted and runs a hand through his hair. "I don't know. She just said something about being afraid of what else she was suppressing. She was afraid of memories that lurked in the unconscious." It's dead quiet for a while. "And what is this thing that you should keep to yourself?" Loki breaks the silence. "I can't and won't tell you. I promised her that." "It doesn't really matter," says Nat who sat quietly in a corner the whole time and also started to cry. "We should be looking for her. Whatever is going on, she should know that she doesn't have to go through it alone." Nobody says anything, but everyone nods in agreement.