Hidden Memories - A Steve Rogers Lovestory

Tell Bucky the truth

In my room I take off the perforated top and throw it in the trash. I swap my jeans for cozy gray sweatpants and a black sweater. I was just pulling my sweater over my head when there was a knock on the door of my room. Even without looking, I know that Bucky is at the door. I sigh in annoyance before I tell Bucky that he can come in. He closes the door behind him and stands around uncomfortably. I look at him waiting with a raised eyebrow. What is he waiting for? I can already guess what he wants from me anyway. "Can we talk?" he's nervously fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "Will you stop asking if I say no?" I ask even though I already know the answer. He shakes his head. I sit on my bed and signal to him that he should sit down with me. "I can't tell you much. I don't remember a lot myself. As you must have noticed I'm not human anymore. I am ..... I am something that is called a tribrid." "A tribrid?" he looks at me questioningly. "Yes. I'm one-third a witch, one-third a vampire, and one-third a werewolf." Bucky looks at me in a mixture of shock, confusion and disbelief. "That's all I can tell you. I can't remember how I became what I am. I just know that something happened in the past that was so painful that I couldn't bear it. So I turned off my humanity. That means to banish all emotions and related memories from my consciousness. I don't know what it was, but it must have been something very bad. Otherwise you don't just take this step" I can see how I get nervous while telling the story. I'm afraid that I will lay the groundwork that will bring back more memories. "Is that why you couldn't remember me? I knew all along that you looked strangely familiar to me." I nod and notice that tears are running down my cheeks. I wipe them away before I say, "Yes, that's the reason. It's all so confusing. On the one hand, I don't want to remember anything that's hidden in my subconscious." I look at him and keep talking "but on the other hand I want my best friend back. But I'm so scared Bucky. Scared of what memories are waiting for me. The memories of you were already painful. But that was nothing compared to what is still waiting for me." Bucky just sits there for minutes and looks at the floor. Now I must have scared him off. Why should anyone be friends with someone like me? Why would you want a monster in your life? To my surprise, he reaches for my hand at some point. "Then don't remember. I won't make you do it. But I also want my best friend back." Bucky has also started to cry by now. I can't resist the urge so I pull him into a hug and squeeze him tight. He returns the hug. While I have him so close to me, I am sure this is a mistake and that I will soon regret it. But I don't care at all about that right now. Having Bucky here with me and knowing that I don't have to keep secrets from him feels right at home. In all the years in which I kept people at a distance with my behavior, that was actually all I ever wanted - a home, a family. Maybe Caroline is right and it's not always best to be alone. But at the same time, I'm already afraid that life will take Bucky away from me. At some point, Bucky breaks out of the hug and brushes a strand of hair from my face. "We can do it. And no matter what you remember or not, I'm with you. I missed you Trouble. And hey, now we have the opportunity to create new memories. Memories you will never forget," he smiles encouraging me. Even if I didn't know until a few days ago, I missed him too. "I missed you too, Bucky. Thank you for not pushing me into anything that would destroy me." "I would never do that Trouble" he gives me a kiss on the forehead and stands up. "That was definitely a lot for you today. I'll give you some time to process it all. If you need me, I'll be in my room." I smile at him again before he closes the door behind him. I snuggle under my covers and review the day and its revelations. At some point I am so emotionally exhausted that I fall into a restless sleep.