Hidden Memories - A Steve Rogers Lovestory

Decisions

When I wake up the next morning, Steve is no longer next to me. I hear the shower and decide to keep him company. On the way to the bathroom, I take off the shirt that I'm still wearing. I just left my pants off after last night. For a moment I just stand in the door and watch Steve. He doesn't seem to have noticed that I'm standing in the door frame. With his eyes closed he stands under the running water and just seems to enjoy its warmth. The sight of him is almost hypnotic to me. I watch with fascination how the water runs along his perfect muscles. "Mind if I come in too?" I ask when I can tear my eyes away from him at some point. He opens his eyes and looks mischievously at me. Without saying anything, he grabs my wrist and pulls me into the shower. The water is warm, almost hot. But nowhere near as hot as Steve, who checks me out from head to toe. "Did you sleep well, Captain?" I ask him and look at him through my eyelashes, supposedly innocent. His hands are now resting on my ass and he is squeezing it tight. "Oh yes, after I was allowed to go back to the bedroom." I give him a quick peck on the lips. "Admittedly, I slept much better afterwards too." For the next few minutes we just stand there and hold each other in each other's arms, my head resting on his chest. "What are we going to tell Tony and Strange now?" I ask at some point, even if I might risk another argument. But we can't just keep quiet about the subject. "That we'll fight." I lean back a little and look at him in confusion. "Ok Rogers, I'm good in bed, but that good?" His deep laugh is music to my ears. He kisses me deeply before saying "you really are. But that's not why I changed my mind." I look at him with raised eyebrows. "You were right from the start. I'm just too scared of losing both of you. That's why I couldn't think clearly. And if I want our daughter to have a future, and if I want to do that here in the future too "he kisses me again" then I have to make sure that we have a future." I press my face to his chest again. It takes all my strength not to let it show how afraid I am when thinking about the future. If only he knew. "I love you Steve." I don't know if he notices how sad I am suddenly. But he puts his arms around me and hugs me tightly and gives me a kiss on the top of my head "I love you too, Amilia." After we are done with the shower we get ready to drive over to the Avengers headquarters to tell them our decision. Once there, we find everyone, except Emily, together in the living room. "Have you made up your mind?" Tony asks as soon as he's greeted us. Before I answer I take Steve's hand and look at him. In my eyes the unspoken question of whether he is really sure that he really wants it. He nods and squeezes my hand. "We will fight." "One last fight to secure our daughter's future" as Steve speaks he is not speaking as Steve Rogers, he is speaking as Captain America at this moment. "Perfect. I'll let you in on all the details. It's good that you made up your mind quickly, because Thanos didn't intend to give us time. He's already on his way here. We'll be on our way tomorrow and attack him on his way. Pepper will take care of the children while we're gone." Tony asks us to come to his office in a few minutes so he can tell us the plan. "Everything OK?" Steve looks at me worried. "Yes. I'm just nervous. I was hoping we had a little more time." Together we go to Tony's office and he tells us in detail how the attack on Thanos will go. As if you could plan something like that very precisely. While Tony is talking, my thoughts drift away. I'm afraid. Afraid of everything that will happen tomorrow and on the following days. I know that no one on the battlefield can seriously harm me. But Steve could be injured, or worse, killed. And not just him. Our whole family, our friends, any one of them could die trying to stop Thanos. And then there is Strange's vision. That's what scares me most of all. My thoughts suddenly come to an end when the door to Tony's office flies open and Emily comes running towards us. "Mommy! Daddy!" She hugs me first and then her father, who puts her on his lap. I love them both so much. Even if I'm a little jealous at times. I know Emily loves me too, but the love for her father is so different, so infinite. She's definitely daddy's girl. She happily tells us about her night here with the Avengers. She forced Loki to braid her hair, which Tony said he was happy to do. He shows us a picture of a herringbone braid that Loki has braided. I didn't even know that Loki could do that. Then she and Morgan watched Disney films, again together with Loki, and finally Nat read them a bedtime story. Suddenly she jumps up and pulls both of us by the hands behind her. "What's going on honey?" I ask. "I have to show you something. Uncle Thor built a tree house for me," she seems so excited that I have to laugh. "Do you both go ahead, okay? Mommy has to talk to Uncle Strange about something." Steve looks at me questioningly. I can barely look him in the eye when I smile at him gently, hoping to convince him that everything is fine. "Okay" he sighs and kisses me quickly. "Daddy come on," wails Emily. I look after them as they walk away towards the garden. "Are you all right Amilia?" asks Tony, sounding just as worried as Steve looked. "Yes. I just wanted to discuss something with Strange about tomorrow. Do you happen to know where he is?" Tony points in the direction of the garden. "He's been on the porch all day so far. I guess he's still there." I hug him before I walk off in the direction of the garden. I can hear him wondering why I hugged him so unexpectedly. All of this almost breaks my heart. In fact, I find Strange on a little bench on the porch. "Mind if I sit down?" I ask and sit down as he slides to the side to make room for me. Suddenly I don't know what to say anymore. So we just sit next to each other in silence and I watch Steve and Emily play. The two are everything I ever wanted. "Your decision is brave and honorable Amilia" Strange breaks the silence at some point. "I would do anything for both of them. If this is the price I have to pay for their lives - that's fine. I guess," I say without taking my eyes off the two of them. "Still, not everyone would be willing to make such a sacrifice," I can feel Strange looking at me. "You have to promise me something. You have to take care of both of them when this is over. You have to take care of her above all" with tears in my eyes I look at him now too. "I will. I will never let anything happen to either of them." At least that's a little consolation. To know that the two will be in good hands. When I see Emily running towards me out of the corner of my eye, I quickly wipe the tears from my face. It's getting late now. "Mommy, can we have pizza for dinner tonight? And will you read me a bedtime story tonight?" I hug her and kiss her forehead. "Sure, honey. Go inside and tell Uncle Tony we're going to have pizza today, okay? And I'll read you all the bedtime stories you want to hear." Smiling, she runs inside. As I watch her, a warm, rough hand runs through my hair. I look up and see Steve. "You know, I thought it might be good if we stayed here tonight? Then we don't have to wake Emily up tomorrow morning when we have to leave." "That's a good idea. Emily is in there right now and tells Tony we're going to have pizza today. We could go home quickly and get some things?" Steve nods in agreement. "It's probably best if Emily doesn't even notice that her parents are going to fight tomorrow," says Strange. I had completely forgotten that he was sitting here next to me. We'll let the others know and go home. While Steve is packing some clothes for us and our combat gear, I pack a small suitcase for Emily. I don't know, I'm probably packing way too many things, but better that way than not enough. I also pack her school supplies. "Ready?" asks Steve who is suddenly standing in the doorway of Emily's room. I nod sadly. Inwardly, I am already saying goodbye to my home. When I want to pass Steve he stops me. "Are you sure that everything is okay with you? You have been so sad all day?" "Yeah, I'm ok. I'm just tense and I worry about Emily." "Come here" he pulls me into his arms and I bury my face in his chest. I hate lying to him. But he wouldn't accept the inevitable future. How could he? I am sure that he knows that I am not telling him the truth and so I give him great credit for not pushing me to do it. He takes Emily's suitcase out of my hand and together we go back to the car. When we get back to the others, the pizza is already waiting for us. I'm not hungry. Right now I don't even want blood. I just want tomorrow to finally be over. After dinner, I'll help Emily get ready for bed before I join her on the bed. She cuddles up to me while I read to her from The Little Water Sprite. It doesn't take long for her to sleep soundly. Carefully so as not to wake her, I slide off the bed and kiss her on the head. "I love you Emily. Never forget that. And no matter what happens Daddy, Uncle Strange, Loki, Tony - they will all always be there for you." Before I burst into tears, I turn off the lights and go out. It's completely quiet in the house. I guess that everyone uses the last few hours to be with their loved ones or to just go to bed early and be fit tomorrow. When I get into our old bedroom, Steve is already dozing in bed. I change my clothes quietly and crawl under the covers of the bed with him. I snuggle up to him - head on his chest, arms tightly around him. "It'll be all right, you'll see," Steve mumbles sleepily. Instead of answering, I just snuggle closer to him. "As long as we stay together, nothing can happen to us darling." When I don't answer again, he lifts my chin with his fingers and kisses me gently. That calms me down a little bit. "I love you Steve. And no matter what happens tomorrow, that will never change," my voice almost breaks. "And I love you Amilia." Seconds later, Steve fell asleep. I have no doubt that what I'm going to do tomorrow is the right thing. But I already hate myself for what my decision will mean for my family. Even if no opponent on the battlefield can kill me, there is a being that can. And I am that being.