Only you know my name

Chapter 19

"Do you also wish to have a name? Would you like to listen to a suggestion of mine?"

Upon hearing those words, his whole existence came to a halt. He was so shocked that his mind completely short circuited. He had never dreamed of anyone ever offering him a name, but now, apparently, it was happening. Just like that, all of a sudden. He had not even had any time to prepare himself for such an occasion.

Then again, he had no idea how he would have prepared even if he was given enough time. As long as he could remember in his muddled mind shrouded in the darkness of his surroundings, he had never had a name. He had never even let himself wonder how it would feel to actually have one since he had just assumed that it would never happen.

Though here he was, with Lan Wangji who was apparently wanting to gift him a name. It was such a strange notion that he would need half of eternity to get used to the idea. All his thoughts were flying around in circles. His worries, excitement, fear, joy, anxiety, and so much, much more, everything mixed together in his heart. He felt like it could explode from the sheer amount of feelings he was just now experiencing.

And then, as if Lan Wangji wanted to deal one final blow, he said ceremoniously: "From today onwards, you shall be known as Wei Wuxian."

He did not even have time to savour his new name or to think twice about what it meant to him – it already meant the world to him anyway and he was eternally grateful to Lan Wangji for giving him this precious and unparalleled gift – and his whole world started to crumble. The noise around him was getting louder and louder and if he had hands, he would have pushed them against his ears to try and stop it. And then, with one last bang, it stopped completely.

Suddenly, he had to close his eyes because the light was blinding him. He was confused beyond belief, he did not know what was happening at all and it was making him scared. He felt too much at the moment. The terrible noise died out and there was only silence around him once again. He was shivering with cold but at the same time, he felt as if he was being warmed by sunlight. Something was tickling his side and he had a very urgent need to shift in place and try to get rid of that sensation. The world was suddenly overwhelming and he could not tell why.

Then, it finally hit him. It must have been the name. He had been given such a precious gift that it had completely changed the way he perceived the whole universe around him. Who knew it could be this overwhelming and strong? He would have never expected to live such a change, not after all the time when there had been only darkness and loneliness for him.

And what was even more confusing was the fact that he could feel shifting of air currents caressing him and creating a pleasant sensation on his skin. Because now, he realized that he apparently had a body.

He could not explain it in any other way. He was feeling the hard ground beneath the grass which was tickling him. He could tell that his eyes were closed because he could see the light filtering through his eyelids and still blinding him after all the time when all he could see had been complete darkness. His hands were pressed against his ears and that was most probably what had stopped all the noise.

He had to also consciously move his lungs to get enough air into them unless he wanted his chest to hurt. His heart was beating like crazy. He had a physical body which he had only experienced in some of his fantasies, he was alive. He as now not only a lost existence, but a living breathing being.

Was receiving a name really such a powerful event that it had changed him from an unknown entity without a body and living in a world of darkness and loneliness to a proper living person? He could not believe it. But it had to be true; what he was feeling right now, all those physical sensations, it could not just be his imagination. His mind had never supplied him with something this vivid.

It was truly a miracle. One that Lan Wangji made happen.

Oh, now he – not he anymore, he had a name to describe himself now, so he should get used to calling himself Wei Wuxian – remembered the one who had done so much for him. Where was Lan Wangji? Was he still here with him? Wei Wuxian hoped so, he wanted to thank him from the bottom of his heart.

He was not sure that opening his eyes which were still not used to the light was a good idea so he kept them closed. Instead, he oh so slowly and with a conscious effort peeled his hands away from his ears. Moving his new body was something he would apparently had to get used to. Even though his imagination sometimes supplied him with dreams of him having a body and running around, back then, moving had never been so hard. He had not had to think about it for it to happen.

But that was fine, he really hoped that this was all real and that he would be able to keep this body now. That he would have time to get used to things. That this was not another wishful fantasy of his.

No, Wei Wuxian was not going to think about anything negative right now. He was too happy to have anything at all soil his unfiltered joy of being alive. It would stress him out too much, he should instead focus on the small things. Like breathing and not only gasping for air, like stopping his heart from beating so fast he thought it would jump out of his chest, like not shivering like this because it was making the grass around him tickle his side. Like moving his hands away from his ears even more so he would be able to hear the outside world.

He was wondering where exactly he was and what was around him. He wanted to see his new body and to marvel some more. He wanted to check where Lan Wangji was and if indeed he had stayed around. There was so much that he could do now that it was making his head spin.

"Wei Wuxian?"

Suddenly, he forgot to breathe when he finally heard something. And not only something it was the name he had just been given. It made his heart completely melt because even though the voice sounded a little different than before, deeper and less child-like, it was unmistakeably the voice he wanted to hear the most right now. Lan Wangji was there with him after all.