Only you know my name

Chapter 10

Lan Zhan was feeling like he was forgetting something. Something very important that he dearly needed to do but could not remember what it was. To top everything off, the other gods including his uncle were now pressuring him more than ever to assume his duties. Some were even saying something along the lines of him being selfish because he did not want to grow up and become a full fletched got of righteousness and justice.

But that was far from his own feelings. He was not acting out of selfishness, at least he did not think so. He was just worried that his judgment would not be just because he was still too inexperienced and that someone innocent would suffer for his mistakes. He was simply too insecure to be able to agree to fully assume his duties.

And when he was insecure and unsure of his own abilities, when he wanted to escape all the pressure and tension of the Heavenly Court, he escaped to his special place only he knew of. He would always go back to the outskirts of the heavenly realm and find that solitary boulder. He would sit there with his back leaning on it and look at the ever unchanging sky. He wondered if the sky was this blue in the mortal realm as well.

Near this boulder, he could feel some kind of presence which was always making him well at ease. It was warm and so unlike the rest of the heavenly realm and the gods. It seemed free and always on the move, it was untamed and had a happy feeling to it. Lan Zhan liked it very much. He did not know what this presence was or why he could feel it only here, but he did not care, he was just happy to come here and relax. All his worries somehow seemed smaller in this place.

He was watching the sky and despite seeing it for the umpteenth time, still the same, it was still breath taking. He snuggled closer to the boulder and tilted his head backwards so he would be able to see it even better.

"The sky is beautiful," he thought and let himself relax in the sun. It was peaceful and he was starting to feel sleepy. He felt like he could actually let go of all his worries here. At least for the moment; he knew he would have to go back to the Heavenly Court eventually but he did not want to think about it just yet. He just wanted to live in this moment.

He startled and his whole body froze when he heard – or perhaps better word would be felt because the sound was coming directly into his head and his ears did not hear anything at all – a humming sound. He was surprised and started looking all around. However, he already knew that he would not see anything nor anyone, the voice was only inside his head.

When he froze and his mind became alert, the voice disappeared, as if it had never existed in the first place. Lan Zhan remained tense for a while longer, half afraid and half excited if the voice would come back again. He could not tell how he knew it, but it was clear to him that it was actually the presence trying to communicate with him. However, fear remained in his heart, it had not been too pleasant to have his private thoughts assaulted like that.

Then he thought about it again, more carefully all the while trying to find a little distance. He had to let go of his emotions and assess the situation calmly and objectively, just as was expected from the god of justice.

When he started thinking about it calmly, he realized that the presence – if it had truly been it and not someone else's idea of a tasteless prank – had not wanted him any harm. The intrusion, although startling, was not unwelcomed or forced. It was more of a tentative touch really, one which wanted to test if it could come closer of if it would be rejected. And all of a sudden, Lan Zhan felt ashamed of himself for being so easily frightened. Despite the means of communication being highly unusual, the presence must have just wanted to talk to him.

Lan Zhan made sure to regulate his breathing and to not feel too much excitement. He had to get rid of his innermost worries again so he would be able to come down into the half meditative state he had been in previously. He hoped that the presence had not gotten discouraged and would try to talk to him again. In fact, he longed for it for some unknown reason. He wanted to get to know who or what that presence was.

It was harder to open up this time when he knew that his calm and peace could be disturbed again and that he could not be too surprised because the bond would be ruined. He had to do his best and proceed patiently.

When he felt like he was stable enough in his mind space and that he would not be startled when, or if, the presence would start communicating again, he tried tentatively introducing himself and inviting the unknown other to come to him once again: "Hello, I am Lan Zhan. Who are you?"

Nothing was happening for the longest time and he was already about to give up his efforts and go back to the Heavenly Court. He had decided that he should try to find out what kind of presence resided in this far away and desolate place where no one beside him ever came to. Still, he decided to wait a little longer. He was curious about if the presence would come back and also, he felt an unexpected urge to get closer to it. Surely it would feel even better up close.

When he truly was about to give up, he sent out one more tentative 'Hello'. He had not expected it to work really since he had tried five times before without any result.

He was however greatly surprised when he could hear that humming sound again. It was faint and if he had not been waiting for it, he would have not noticed it, but it was definitely there. He was overjoyed that he had managed to lure the presence back.

"Hello," he prompted again to keep the conversation going.

He had almost melted with happiness and contentment when there was an echo of his own words, fainter and more distant. But not an echo at all.

"Hello..."

Lan Zhan was surprised to learn that the voice apparently belonged to a child. He did not know what was happening and who the other was, why would there be another child here in the outskirts of the heavenly realm and why it sounded so distant and could not be seen anywhere. Yet, he could question all of this later, now he needed to find out who the other was. He wanted to know everything about that presence which felt like the second half of his own soul when it was speaking and illuminating and warming Lan Zhan's world.

He had never had a friend, not really. However, right now, he thought that he perhaps wanted one.