Only you know my name

Chapter 4

Once again, Lan Zhan was sitting with his back propped up against his favourite rock. It was his favourite one and also the only one far and wide. So perhaps he should not go saying he liked or disliked it, he had no choice unless he wanted to sit without leaning on anything. And yet, somehow, he felt like there was something different about this particular boulder.

It was as if it was radiating a gentle warmth that could not be found anywhere else in the whole heavenly realm. It felt faintly familiar to him but he could not pinpoint why. The only thing which he could say for sure was that he liked it and that he felt better when he was in this place. It was as if someone was here with him and for once, he did not mind. The presence was so faint and gentle that he wanted to know even more about it.

He had never come across anything similar. He had tried searching for any clues in the library but he came out empty handed. None of the books spoke about any being inhabiting a boulder in the heavenly realm. He had thought about asking his uncle because he was the wisest amongst the gods, however, something kept him from doing that. It was just a gut feeling but he decided he would listen to it since it was very persistent.

So the only other way left to him was to try and investigate on his own. He kept his visits to the outskirts of the heavenly realm a secret, he did not want anyone to know about his special hiding place. Surely they would try to intrude on him just as they always did when he was alone. There was no shortage of gods who were coming to him for having their disputes resolved and Lan Zhan was often at his wits' end. He needed a refuge of sorts.

And this boulder had become such a place for him. He did not want to share it with anyone, much less with some intruders into his peace.

The only one he would not mind to have in this special place was the unknown but warm and gentle presence. It was intriguing him more and more with every visit. He wanted to know if he was only imagining it and it was just the peace of the place which was making him feel all comfortable and warm or if it was indeed someone or something which liked spending its time with him.

And so, one day, he could not wait any longer. He had just learned during his studies how to connect with his surroundings and to feel for all living beings around him. It was apparently useful in the mortal realm. Not that Lan Zhan would know from experience, he had never been left to descend down to the lower realm because he was still too young.

It was laughable really, everyone said he was too young to go see the world where mortals lived; the same mortal men whose vices and virtues he would have to judge in the future. But apparently he was not too young to be asked to come up in a quality of a judge in conflicts between gods. It was making him very uncomfortable.

He sat down, his back leaning against the boulder and let his senses roam free. He was searching for any signs of that faint presence. He fell into a kind of a meditative state where he could hardly register the physical world around him anymore. Instead, it was making his senses sharper to anything outside of the physical reality.

He searched for a long time, in this state, he did not know how long was passing exactly but he could still tell that it was getting longer and longer. He could not find anything, there was no sign of the presence he usually felt. But that was nothing too unexpected, he would normally only feel it for a fleeting moment before it would distance itself and disappear sooner rather than later. It would actually be a small miracle for him to find anything out on his first try. That was why he did not feel too disappointed, only a little bit.

He was already on a verge of giving up for the day when he finally felt it. It was small, far away and as if it was just a spark in a complete darkness. Still, it was unmistakeably there. It felt like a little star; no, more like a sun since it radiated gentle warmth which warmed Lan Zhan's very soul. He could feel a strange connection to that distant sparkle and he tried to come closer to it. He was desperately trying to chase after it because all of a sudden, that little dying sun was getting away from him and slipping form his reach.

He did not know what he was doing when he reached out all his senses even more, to the point where he would have been afraid of leaving his own physical body behind if he was thinking rationally at that moment. He was not though because he could somehow feel that that presence, despite getting father and farther away by the second, actually did not want to disappear. It was calling for him, reaching out for him in a silent but moving manner. It was tugging at his very soul again.

He searched again, with all his might this time. He put all his strength and will into catching up to that small spark of presence. He could tell that it was wordlessly and soundlessly calling to him as if lauder and lauder now. It was asking for help and he wanted to provide it more than anything in this world.

He had almost come into reach when suddenly, he felt a barrier in front of him and his consciousness was bounced right back. He lost his concentration and his eyes flew open in the physical world at once. His meditation had been interrupted. He tried to reach his submerged state again but he immediately knew it would not work this time, he was too confused to clear his mind properly.

All the questions which this encounter had brought to light were now swirling inside his head and he could not just ignore them. He wanted to know what that small presence which was so desperately calling for him could be. He could not feel it as strongly as in his deep meditation but there were still echoes of that presence's calling in his heart, in his soul. He knew he had to help. If only he knew how.