Only you know my name

Chapter 11

He had been overjoyed each time the presence came back and kept him company. He did not know anymore what he would do it these small moments of happiness would dispread from him just like that. He was cherishing each and every one greatly. He was even looking forward to them and his time started moving forward again, he was literally living from one visit to the next one, what was in between them had little significance.

The presence never came closer to him as that one time. He was saddened by the knowledge but in the end, it did not matter. He had found a way to spread his own consciousness, or perhaps better word would be that the presence had found a way to attract him towards itself and to make him move, much like a moth attracted to a candle.

He had tried going somewhere else also, tried exploring his dark world, but it only worked when the presence was there and in one direction only. He could only ever go meet that presence and he could still not move otherwise. Thought it was fine, if he could be close to the presence, that was actually all he wanted.

At first, he had been careful when approaching and afraid of scaring the presence off. But not anymore, it seemed like the presence also enjoyed his company if the feeling of happiness and warmth which emanated from it was anything to go by. And so he did not hesitate anymore and was getting bolder and bolder in his approaches, or at least as much as he could, given his existence's conditions.

It even got that far as him not retreating to his special place anymore. There was no reason to, his imagination was now working more than ever, but he wanted to see and feel the situations it supplied. When the presence was not there, he would imagine it coming back and then it would happen. Still, it pleasantly surprised him every single time. He was eternally grateful for the company.

The thing was, that as the time went by – or each visit blended to the next one because he still could not tell how long passed between them – he wanted more and more to thank it. He wanted to let it know just how grateful he was and how much he enjoyed their time together. However, there was no way he would be able to do that, he had no voice to let out and no way to communicate.

But, what if, just hypothetically, it was possible if he tried hard enough? He had thought that he was all alone here, and in the end he had not been. He thought that he could not move from his spot, and in the end, he could. What if it was just the matter of time and will? Moreover, he had thought once that he had heard something from the presence, perhaps it had even wanted to communicate with him?

He tried each time, to the best of his abilities. He had tried everything he could think of: getting even closer, shouting, poking the presence as much as he could, taking some distance and even opening up to the presence and showing his whole measly being. Nothing worked until now and he was slowly getting sad with the knowledge. Perhaps he just wanted too much and it was impossible in the end. It could have also been that he had imagined the presence talking to him in the first place.

And then, one time, it happened all of a sudden, complately on its own.

The presence was once again there with him and he was just relaxing and enjoying its company. He felt happy and serene and was convinced that the universe had nothing more to offer to him than this perfect moment. He was content to be existing right here and now.

"..."

Suddenly, here it was again. It was a small noise in his always quiet space. Perhaps it was not even a voice but something even more mysterious, like an echo that his ears should not have even caught onto normally. He startled badly and the previous serene and relaxed atmosphere was nowhere to be found again. He was agitated and excited.

If the presence was doing its best to communicate with him, he should try also, he could not let it do all the work or it could start to think that he perhaps did not want to be disturbed. Nothing was farther from the truth though; the only thing he wanted right now was to respond, to let the presence know that he wanted to talk to it as well.

The universe apparently took pity on him and granted his desperate wish. Though it was once again the presence starting the efforts all on its own.

"L... a... n... Z... h... a... n..." he heard from a great distance, so faint that he almost could not make out what it was. He could though, he knew it deep down.

Lan Zhan... That name sounded for some reason familiar although he had no memories of it. But that was nothing surprising, he had no memories of basically anything, it had always been just him and his imagination. Still, hearing that name – and he did not even know how he had deduced that it had been a name in the first place, but it was crystal clear to him, there was no doubt in his soul about this – made him feel all fuzzy and warm all over. It was the best feeling ever, he decided.

He was drowning in that contentment and happiness and he had all but forgotten to try to reply. This was something so unusual to him, something that he was sure not even his imagination could supply, this was real and he did not know how to thank the universe for this chance.

The echo of the words disappeared and he was immediately mourning the loss. So much so that he had retired into his special protected space where he knew nothing could hurt him. It did not work this time, his very soul was still hurting at the loss and he could do nothing to stop it. If he could, he would have cried right now.

At least the gentle and warm presence did not disappear. It felt closer than ever and he could tell even from his hiding spot deep inside of his mind. It was reaching out to him and soothing him. He started calming down slowly.

And then, just like all those times before, he could not hide here anymore because his safe place was not letting him feel as close to the presence as he wanted. So he came out of it. Immediately, he felt better and was basking in the presence's warmth and brightness once again. Still, a little bit of sadness remained.

"Hello..."

He became startled again. He had thought that he had lost his only change at communicating with the presence but he was so glad it had not been true. This time even, the voice was not so faint and almost inaudible anymore. It was still only a whisper and echo, but it was definitely there. If he could, he would have started dancing around in pure glee.

His overbearing happiness seemed to have finally done the trick and he replied: "Hello..."

He did not know how exactly he had done that. He had no mouth to speak those words. He could not even tell if it had just been his wish which had materialized them into his dark space or if they had come out from the depths of his soul. But they were there and it was everything that was needed. Now, he could only wait for the presence to respond.