Only you know my name

Chapter 9

He was still marvelling at the fact that he had perhaps heard the other presence talking. He was not sure if it was addressed to him or just talking in general, or if he had not imagined it in the first place, but still, so many new things were happening around him now that it was making his mind all confused and spinning.

He had been all alone here in his darkness, just existing without having anything to do or any stimuli at all. All alone only with his imagination which was replaying the same images of sunny days and a lot of people around him on a loop and it was the only thing to which he could look forward to. Well, only sometimes though. Most of the time, he did not like his imagination going high wire because it hurt too much to come back to reality and have nothing to see but the darkness, not being able to move as his imagination supplied him the sensation of doing and not having anyone to talk to.

Yet, this fantasy – if it actually was his imagination playing with him again – was different. It was new and he did not know what do make of it. It was great, amazing even, it was making him happy to not be all alone anymore. But it also undoubtedly hurt to have the presence disappear on him all the time. He wanted it to stay for longer, to come closer so the longing in his soul would lessen. He did not want to be alone again.

He was hungrily taking in the presences closeness and its caresses, it was making his soul sing in harmony with the other. He had to bask in the presence before it would inevitably disappear, it always had. He did not want the presence to leave, ever.

He was surprised by the strong emotions he was suddenly feeling. This was the first time he had ever wanted anything this much since he could remember. It shocked him and he wanted to berate himself.

Wanting the other presence to stay with him in this silent and dark place of his mind was selfish, was it not? He did not particularly mind being here, he had not known anything else all his existence it would seem since he could not remember ever being anywhere else. But perhaps the other presence was different. Perhaps there was some other place where it wanted to go – comparing to him it could actually go somewhere, it could move around, it could apparently talk as well. Those were still new sensations to him and he had not come to terms with them just yet – and perhaps it had just gotten lost and wandered here by some incredible coincidence.

A coincidence which he was eternally grateful for because it gave him something to think about and entertain himself with. But the presence most probably did not see it in the same way for it always went away almost as soon as it had appeared, leaving him all alone once more, with only his painful hope that it would still come back at some point.

He did not know what he would do if the presence decided to not come back ever again. Now that he knew this was possible, that there was someone or something out there which could actually keep him company, if only for fleeting moments, he did not want to lose it.

He could not lose it or he would truly go mad this time and his imagination would finally defeat him completely. He must not lose this warm feeling of the presence being close, of it caressing him and moving all around him. His very core was longing for it and he knew that if his soul would stay in this place alone, he would rather disappear completely.

However, he did not want to think about it, at least until there was still hope. At least for now when the presence was closer than ever. He felt like it was touching him, caressing him and soothing him in a way no one and nothing had ever had. He did not want to ruin this precious moment with grim and anxious thoughts.

As if the universe had decided to punish him for that, suddenly, the presence was gone. Completely and unmistakeably gone. It did not just go a little farther away, it simply disappeared without leaving any traces. He could no longer feel the warmth and its presence. All that was left was cold lonely darkness.

If he had had a body, he would have fallen to the ground, curled into a ball and wept his heart and soul out. Why had the universe have to be this cruel? Why would it take the presence away again? Had he no right to want anything? Or had the presence finally decided he was not worth its time and left for a place where it would feel better? Had it maybe gone to that place that his imagination often tortured him with images of?

He did not know and he did not care. He wanted the presence back. And that was right at that moment. Somehow, he had gotten so attached to it that he could no longer tolerate the darkness and loneliness of his existence. It somehow felt as if he had just lost half of his soul. The warm and fluffy feeling deep inside disappeared at once, leaving behind only a bottomless pit with ragged rims which would never heal.

He was completely frozen – not that he had even been moving, but at least his mind had been functioning until now – and his mind just refused to move to any other thoughts but those of pain and abandonment. He knew perfectly well that he was being unreasonable, he had no right to ask the presence to stay here, but he could not help it. It was his soul which wanted and he could not tell it off. If it was his heart, he would have been able to shop himself, but not when it was his whole being, when this was everything he had left.

Not for the first time ever, he tried to trash around, to move despite not having any body to obey him. He wanted to pursue the presence, to go look for it and to snuggle by its side. The need to be close to it was stronger than anything he had ever felt. And he knew he had to do something to accomplish this deep desire of his.

Something inside of him was roaring in frustration at not being able to move from this place, at not being able to go search for the presence which really felt like part of him now, like his other half.

In his desperation, he did not even notice when he actually left from the spot he had been existing in ever since he could remember and when he started moving forward, being attracted to one direction in particular. Then again, it would have actually been very hard to tell because he could not feel himself moving and there was nothing but darkness around him so he could not see if he was getting anywhere.

However, he still drifted through that space, or at least his mind did as he had no body. It did not even take a second and he could already feel that special presence without which he could no longer imagine his existence to continue. He reached out towards it. He could still not get close, he felt like he was in a very tight space and that there was something keeping him there.

But he did not mind, not when he could feel the presence again. He was content and his soul was satisfied. He had not even realized the feat he had just done; he was just so happy to be able to feel the presence again.

In the last chapter, I have somehow managed to get there an option of reading the text aloud, I do not know how though... Sorry if it bothered you. Anyone knows how I got it there?