Only you know my name

Chapter 7

He was still in his special safe place, hiding away from any thoughts which would want to hurt him. In here, he was the master of his imagination and it could not show him anything he did not approve of consciously. He felt good here, although it was hard to come here and demanded a lot of effort to keep the imagination at bay.

He had only left a small opening in his defences. He knew he should not do that and that his imagination could still start playing tricks on him again because of it, but he just could not help it. His hope was too powerful to keep at bay; and he did not really want to do that this time. Even if the probability was quasi non-existent, it could still be that there actually was another presence somewhere out there and it just happened that it sometimes came closer to him and even tried to reach out to him. No matter how much he did not want to, he still wished for it to be true.

And that was why he left his defences open a little to be able to feel the presence coming closer again if it ever happened.

He did not actually expect it to come true so he was surprised, pleasantly so, when it came to be. It felt gradual and he could not really tell at which point he noticed but suddenly, the presence was there, just beside him. It felt closer than ever. As if he could reach out his hand, he would be able to touch it. It was impossible, he knew that fully well, but the inner feeling was strong.

If he could breathe, he would have had his breath taken away right now. It was such a wonderful, special, incredible, unbelievable, sweet and touching feeling that he could cry. He had thought that the first times when he had felt the presence coming close had been the best, but he had been mistaken, this was way better. He could not believe his luck.

What was even more unbelievable was that this must have been apparently real. He knew he was keeping a strong hold on his imagination and for once, it was not playing any tricks on him. Or he wanted to believe that with his whole being. He did not know if he would survive it in a sane mind if he would discover later that all of this had been just another illusion.

But for now, he left his doubts and negative feelings behind and tried to approach the other presence as much as he could, thinking hard about it and wishing for it from the bottom of his heart.

He could not tell if it was the presence's will or if his own wishes were actually granted but he suddenly felt the presence all that closer. He was basking in its warmth and the knowledge that he was not all alone for at least an instant. He knew this would not last but he wanted to get the most of it until it would disappear just like before.

For now however, it was here and it was so wonderful he could not believe his luck. The closeness of the presence was soothing all his worries and alleviating his loneliness, uneasiness and sadness. He was almost purring with contentment and bursting with happiness. Who would have ever believed that someone else or something else was actually here with him? He thought that even if he would never be able to feel this presence again, he would be able to live off of the memory of his fleeting happiness for ages.

The universe had apparently decided it would make him even more lucky and indebted to it for some reason. He could not quite believe it at first but the presence was moving all around him and somehow getting even closer, encircling him like a protective cocoon. He had no words, no memories which would help him to describe just how happy and grateful he felt right then. It was simply the best feeling ever, even better than imagining sunlight on his skin. It was pure bliss.

He let himself melt in that feeling and he knew he could spend an eternity like this without ever feeling tired of it. The presence was moving all around him, making him understand just how large and warm it truly was. It was all around it and there seemed not to be an end. Still, there was distance between him and the presence, a distance he dearly wanted to not be there at all. He wanted to feel the presence even closer.

And suddenly, it just felt like he could not bear it anymore. The presence was calling out to him, there was an irresistible pull deep inside of him and something was urging him to get closer and closer until he and the presence would be touching.

That was impossible thought, he was in this space where he could not move at all and the presence seemed to be the only one who could actually change position. It was moving around him and he could do nothing to follow it.

Or was there something? He was still in his special safe place deep inside of him, only allowing a speck of reality through. What would happen if he was to come out of hiding and spread his consciousness to a larger area, the only thing which he could actually do.

Would that scare the presence off? He had been too forward the last time and that had been surely why the presence had left only to come back now. He was worried that if he would make any unexpected movement, the presence could get scared off and disappear again. He did not want that, it would mean he would end up alone all over again and now that he knew there was someone with him, that was not an option for him anymore.

Still, he could not help himself to want to get closer. Mostly unconsciously, he just let go of his defences, one by one until there were none left. Just as he had hoped, the presence felt ever so closer and more soothing like this. It almost felt like he was being patted and caressed all over. Which was of course pure nonsense as he did not have a physical body. Could it be his soul which was being soothed in this kind of way? He did not know. However, he would not complain if that was the case.

"..."

He was stunned to the core. Because this could certainly not be true. He could not hear anything, much less the presence talking to him. That was just impossible. Right?