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The ride back home was quiet, so suffocatingly quiet.
Jisung was staring out of his window all the time, his head leaned against the cool glass while Minho drove them home with a frown on his face.
Of course he had been already worried before the doctor's appointment because the younger had obviously not been in his best health but now that the doctor had confirmed his worries, he didn't know how to calm down.
He didn't want someone to get hurt, he didn't want to stress Jisung any more with hospital visits and he didn't want the boy to experience a risky delivery.
Be it as natural birth or surgery.
And he didn't want to lose the boy and his baby.
"I still need to get something from the drugstore, do you want to come with me or wait here?"
Jisung turned around to look at the older with empty eyes for a moment before his gaze fell on his hands on his lap.
"Wait here."
"Okay then, I'll get you some basic stuff like a toothbrush and shower gel, any preferences?"
But the younger just shook his head before looking outside again at the parking area of the drugstore.
Minho got the message and left the car leaving Jisung alone with the mess of thoughts in his head.
He honestly didn't know if he was really surprised to hear that the baby was in such a bad state, he hadn't even been able to take good care of himself the past months.
And maybe..
Maybe he hadn't even wanted to take care of the baby.
He knew that Minho was extremely worried and would probably fry him if he ever knew that Jisung hadn't even tried to do the best for the child, he just couldn't understand.
They were like the sun and moon, like winter and summer.
There would never be a way the older would understand him, it doesn't matter how much he tried to help.
Jisung really appreciated his efforts and he was so thankful that Minho had taken him in, had given him a chance.
The older had a big heart, taking a random pregnant teenager in who had nothing to give, not even a little bit of money, was definitely not something you would expect from everyone.
And Jisung felt like he didn't deserve this kind treatment.
He was at fault for thinking that he could find friends in another country.
He was at fault for being stupid, for letting himself get used as a toy.
He was at fault for getting pregnant.
He was at fault for disappointing his parents, again.
He was at fault that his life was such a misery.
He was at fault for being such a burden to Minho.
It probably wouldn't take long anymore until the ravenette would grow tired of him, until he'd disappoint the kind male as well.
Because that's what he was really good at, disappointing everyone around him.
A sigh escaped him as he saw Minho through the glass door of the shop standing at the queue for the cashier while he subconsciously rubbed his belly softly.
The baby was awake, he knew that, but barely moved and just shifted slightly.
It didn't hurt so for the normal stubborn Jisung there wouldn't have been a reason to touch his bump but right now he was just confused.
Hearing from an expert that it wasn't looking good for the unborn did something to him.
The little child just wanted to live, to maybe play around in Jisung's belly from time to time until they'd meet the world but the blue-haired boy had never cared.
He had never cared at all about 'his baby.'
Minho would have been such a good mommy.
And that's what Jisung hoped.
To just die at the fucking birth so Minho could take care of the baby.
