Engiegnome

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Warning: stillbirth, death.  This is fucking depressing and detailed and LONG

Gnome had a stillbirth. 

They had a baby shower, plenty of clothes, and a nursery set up- the loss was completely unexpected, and deeply wounding.

There was no baby when they came home from the hospital, no proof Gnome had ever been pregnant, other than the look in both of their eyes. Gnome kept putting her hand on her belly, out of habit, or out of trying to pretend there was still a baby in there. She had some baby weight that she could was one.

It was a few days after that Engineer woke up in the middle of the night, a shuffling sound in another room. He realized Gnome was gone and got up.

Engineer tiptoed out of the room, he started to hear a soft voice. He moved toward it cautiously. He stopped at the nursery when he noticed it was coming from there.

He opened the door slowly. He expected it to be Gnome but didn't want to startle her.

Her back was turned to the door. He could hear clearly now, it was definitely her.

"Gnome?"

She visibly tended up, and he could see her holding something. For a moment, he thought it was a real baby: she had stolen a baby. But he quickly disregarded that thought, she wouldn't do that.

Gnome turned around. Unexpectedly, she was smiling. "Engie! What are you doing up? I've got it." Her arms bounced. There was a paper towel roll in her hands.

"Got... what?"

"Feeding the baby, of course."

"What baby?"

A momentary change in her demeanor, a flash of her eyes, might have made Engineer think she was upset, but that quickly stopped. She tilted her head back and laughed. "What do you mean, what baby? You're silly." She smiled at him before looking back down at the paper towel.

For a second, Engineer thought he was wrong, there was a baby. It had all been a bad dream. But then he remembered, there was no baby. That wasn't a baby. The pain and longing he had came back to him in waves, and he felt a strange jealously.

"Come back to bed," Engineer said.

She shook her head. "She's still upset!! I'm sure she'll calm down soon though."

Engineer blinked. "There's no baby, Gnome."

Her eyes flashed again. "Yes there is! What do you mean?" She sounded more defensive now.

Engineer frowned, and reached out to her a bit. "Come back to bed."

Gnome shook her head and turned away again, hugging the makeshift baby to her and whispering.

Engineer sighed. He was tired, but worried for Gnome. He decided that this was her way to heal, and went back to bed. She just needed to pretend for a bit. 

He wished he could pretend, too.

The next day, Engineer woke up to Gnome gone again.  He got up slowly, his movements lethargic nowadays. 

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