Welcome to the S*** Show

October 19th 2021 10:49 AM

Hi guys

I'm currently sitting in my car in the school parking garage while writing this—well not my car but my dads car because mine is in the shop being worked on. Of course.

I feel good. I feel happy. I just ate sushi in silence in said car by myself but that doesn't bother me. My own company never bothers me.

I don't know if I'm entering a state of hypomania, or if I am healing, but I just feel okay. I feel all right, for once. And I don't feel like I am going to self sabotage the next chance I get.

It's silly but I've once again started saying the self mantras, the manifestation chants. They instill a kind of confidence in me and even if they don't work they make me feel better just by saying them.

I had midterms last week, and despite feeling pretty bad about the exams I ending up aceing all of them.

I'm waiting to go into the school so I can pick up an Apple Watch I won from a bingo night. Can you believe that, I never win anything from those type of school sponsored events.

After that I have psych class. And then another class when that one is over.

In both classes I have to see my ex, but I don't care anymore. I have thought and thought so much about that past that I can't reanalyze and pick at it any further. It happened for a reason, it ended for a reason. What's done is done and it's time to focus on myself and my life and my happiness and move on and keeping going forward.

Which I have been, and it's going pretty well.

I even felt better at work the past Sunday. Which is surprising considering I wasn't even on my normal floor.

I feel like I'm falling into the groove of things, finally letting my life happen. I can no longer worry because the good that belongs to me will simply find me. (Thanks tiktok)

Yes I have been talking to people again through dating apps and while it's fun and it fills the time and lonely spot in my heart, I don't think I have the desire to get into another relationship any time soon.

Rachel's heart needs like 5-6 months pending to recoup.

But I'll get there.

Alrighty well I thought this would take up more of my time but it's not and I still have an hour to wait before I can meet this kid to grab my prize and then go to class.

I also really have to pee. Guess I should do that before my bladder explodes.

-Rachel