Rip My Heart Out

Chapter Twenty-Two

I close my door when I leave my room so Harry won't wake up to see Calum in my bed.

My house feels a lot more empty when my mother isn't up making breakfast or my dad reading the paper at the kitchen table.

I start making eggs and boiling water for tea.

I try to distract myself with not burning the house down but the previous nights events keep playing in my head. Calum telling me to embrace it.

I shake my head when I hear small footsteps waddling down the stairs.

Harry appears, rubbing his eyes and hair sticking out in more than one direction. "G'morning." He yawns.

I smile at him, he's always happy no matter what, even when he first wakes up.

"I made breakfast."

"Yay!" He runs over to the table and sits in his usual seat, ready for me to make his plate for him.

Calum enters the kitchen shortly after and Harry's eyes light up. He looks a bit more distressed than Harry did.

"Well, good morning." I watch him as he looks momentarily confused.

He clears his throat and scratches the back of his neck, "I don't exactly remember coming here last night and I have a pretty good idea why."

I put eggs in front of Harry.

"I'm sorry for whatever I said to you. I didn't meant it and I just get really upset about Claire sometimes." He looks as if he's about to get angry again but calms himself. "But I'm working on it."

"It's okay." I say, sympathetically."

"I'll go." He nods and points with his thumb toward the door.

I shake my head and offer a smile, "We have enough." I shrug and raise the pan a little higher.

Calum agrees to stay.

•

Sunday comes faster than I wanted it to and I know Luke will be at my house any minute.

"Hey mom." I say walking to her room where she's tucking her hair into a neat bun.

"Hmm?" He looks up at me in the mirror in front of her.

Suddenly I get nervous and feel sick. "Is it okay if one of my friends goes to church with us today?"

I can see her get excited, "Absolutely, I'm so proud of you honey! Inviting your friends to hear to word of God! What's his name?"

I swallow, "Luke."

Her smile looks so wide and genuine that I almost want to cry. "Well, he's always welcomed to join us for church."

When he arrives I don't even recognize him. No motorcycle, no lip piercing, no leather jacket or boots. His blonde hair is combed neatly and he's wearing a button down shirt with khaki pants.

"You look better." I tell him. I try to stay focused on the reason he's even here, so he can hear the truth and understand his wrong choices.

"I can play nice for mommy and daddy." His voice floods my ears, the strangeness of not hearing him for so long fades.

Harry is excited to have a friend in the car with us. Luke sits in the middle and I on right of him.

My father and mother carry on in normal conversation without paying us much attention.

Our knees touch in the closeness. He doesn't seem to notice and I'm sure it's not on purpose so I don't attempt to move mine.

Once inside the church my mother says, "Oh, Ashton, you and your friend don't have to sit with us, we wouldn't want to embarrass you." She winks and I sigh.

Luke and I sit in the back, I don't see Claire but I do see her parents.

I sit on the outside of the row against the arm rest. Luke looks around and whispers "Why is everyone in here, like, seventy."

I tell him to hush as the same man I see every Sunday walks on stage. "Pay attention."

"Abstinence, ladies and gentlemen, is the key to a pure and holy life." I nod along with the mans words.

Luke snorts and says "But that's no fun." An older woman turns and glares at us.

"Stop."

He shrugs.

"Sex before marriage can only lead to one thing and that is an after life in hell."

He leans closer to me, "At least I'll be around people who have the same interest."

I bump his shoulder with mine and he laughs. I'm beginning to think he isn't going to take this as seriously as I want him too. Why did I even think this was a good idea.

"If a man touches a women before they have committed to marriage in front of the Lord, he is sinning against God."

Luke puts his hand on my knee.

"If a women allows a man to pursue her and she allows him to violate her purity, that is a sin detestable to the Lord."

He slides his hand further up my leg.

I don't let him know he's bothering me, that's the only reason he's doing it. To get a reaction out of me.

He keeps his eyes glued to the front, he looks as if he's listening intently.

After a few minutes of us sitting with his hand resting on my thigh he turns his head to mine, I don't move.

His mouth close to my ear, I can feel his eyes searching me for a reaction. He looks down at his hand and back to the side of my face. I continue to act oblivious.

"Listening to all this stuff about sexual purity is making me want to do bad things to you." The words come out warm against my skin.

I close my eyes. If I don't acknowledge him he will stop.

His hand moves inches further, "Like," he pauses, "fuck you while you recite verses about me going to hell."

I can't ignore him though when he says such an awful thing about the bible. I push him away and he laughs. "Stop talking to me."

"I'm only kidding." He says, false anger.

"I'm not." I say, sternly, trying to get my point across.

He smirks but doesn't say another word for the rest of the service.