Rip My Heart Out

Chapter Eighteen

I bring my bible with me as I walk the long gravel road to the one white farm house that's at the end of it.

I rehearse in my head all the words I'm going to say to him, how I'm going to show him the truth.

I won't have to stay away from him now if he becomes good.

The house enters my sight just as the sun starts to lower in the sky. The hazy looking clouds lay against a pink and orange backdrop.

His motorcycle is parked in front of a little shed, there's a truck in the grass behind the house.

I take a deep breath and knock on the front door.

I hear footsteps that sound like they're running down stairs. There's a click and slide of the locks on the door.

When he sees me he snorts, "No, I don't have a moment to talk about our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ." He uses a mocking tone.

"Actually," I start and bite my lip. "That's what I'm here for, I really want to share something with you."

"I'm busy."

"With what?"

"Not listening to you moan about God and his holy truth or whatever it is." He crosses his arms.

I sigh, "Luke, it'd be really nice for you to hear these things."

He smirks, "Say please."

"Please, Luke." I hold my bible tighter to my chest.

He opens the door wider and I walk inside. I'm greeted with a nicely furnished, all white living room.

My mouth hangs open at the neatness of his home. He leads me to a kitchen that has a similar style, perfectly clean and almost all white.

"Outta shut your mouth before you catch the flies." He says and sips water from a glass that was sitting on a counter.

"I'm just surprised I say."

I examine his appearance for the first time since I've arrived. He's wearing a white Tshirt and blue boxers, he looks as if he just got out of bed.

"So what do you want to preach to me about." He leans back against the kitchen counter.

I open the bible to a page I have bookmarked, "Well, yesterday morning at church the pastor said these words and they really, they opened my eyes."

He scratches his head in boredom.

"Um, and I really wanted to read it to you because I want to help you."

He perks up at that statement though. "Help me?"

"Just listen, it says here in Leviticus that being gay is a sin worthy of death and it'll send you to hell." I follow the words with my finger on the page.

He laughs, "Oh fuck, you think coming in here and reading me that made up bullshit is going to 'change me'?

I get angry, "It's not made up. You need to realize that this life you choose is wrong."

Luke raises an eyebrow, "You're just like me. You try to convince yourself you're not but you are, Ashton. You're gay and you're a sinner. You lie to yourself, to your parents." He starts walking to me, "You think you're so much better than me because you believe in all this religious stuff."

I speak quietly, "Because it's real."

"If it's real, you're going to hell too, angel face." He smiles at me.

"At least I don't have intercourse with any boy that moves." I angrily spit back.

He rolls his eyes, "You don't know who I fuck."

I flinch at the harsh words but retort, "I know you do things with Michael."

His annoyed expression changes to amusement. "Why do you think that?"

My confidence drops, "Well, he said something about you-"

Luke shakes his head, "He was just messing around. I've never even touched him."

For some unknown reason, I feel relieved. I also feel angry at myself for feeling relieved.

Luke slides his tongue across his lips and smiles a scheming smile, "Tell you what, I'll go to church with you if you go to a party with me. You can show me how much of a sinner I am and I can show you how fun it is."

I stand there for a moment, if Luke goes to church maybe he'll have the same realization I did, maybe he'll change his ways and he won't go to hell and if he does that I won't have to go to his party.

"Fine." I say.

"Deal."

When I see the smirk creep on his lips I get nervous.