Random Things in Mind

Apology

Hey guys... so um... something happened and I lashed out on my readers. Like seriously, they commented something on one of my book She's Mine (Killua Zoldyck X Reader).

So I guess... I did lose my sanity huh...

Anyway... I banned her/him for commenting simple thing and she/he only mean it as a joke. But I don't know what's happening on my head that day and lashed out on her/him. So she and one more person confronted me and I realize what happened. I'm an idiot. Like literally.

Looks like the all the pressure and pain my parents inflicted on me finally kicked in for the worse. Yes... many of you suggested that I talked it out with them. But it's useless... 1, I'm not good with words. 2, someone said "parents are always right and you'll receive karma for talking back".

At this rate... I'm considering it quitting. But again... writing is my healing instrument. Without it... I'll be gone long ago... writing is the only thing that calmed me down when my mind was a total mess. I don't know what I should do anymore. I might even lose my fans at this rate... like who would want to support me... after I lashed out on someone. It hurts... but the people I talk harshly to, they're more hurt.

I love you guys... you're my hope at getting better. I want to post a pic of me crying... but my tears dried faster than I anticipated... or is it because I'm too numb? I don't know...

I sent my apology to her/him directly on the acc I banned. I don't even realize that I banned that account until he/she point that out on another account.

And on this chapter too... if I say something well... write something hurtful. Confront me, don't say silent. Don't see my mental state as a block... just talk about it.

I'm sorry for those I've hurt in any part of my books. I'm an idiot... or I'm crazy... or I'm not myself anymore. 

Can someone tie me up? So I don't lash out on anyone... I have an inner demon or something... so stop me before I hurt more feelings. Exorcist me or something? Or I'm just already gone insane... I don't know anymore... 😭😭😭😭😭

I feel like hanging myself at this point for being that way towards such innocent people. Or should I burn myself instead? Okay I'm talking nonsense...

Should I just quit... ?