There, I'm weighted of 75,5 kg. Are you happy now, mom? That's all that you've been doing. Threatening me with something that I've always wanted for years. Just like when I first said I wanted an iPad. Now look who's using the latest model. You always said how an iPad is useless.
Aside from that, you keep calling me fat... openly in front of people, now everyone thinks that because you call me fat... they have a thought that it's okay for them to do the same. Ie ie Moi Moi, Tante Ita, lots of other people. You even openly called me fat in front of the public. The worse part is... you find it funny! Is my appearance a joke to you? Is my self-esteem and confidence a joke? You keep telling me to have confidence and to not care about what people said. I can handle other people's critic... but you're my mother. How can I ignore that?? You never think about how much it destroys my self-esteem. I hate myself because of you! You said I got fat because all I've been doing is sleep and eat. That I have no activity... is having a small business not an activity?? Is being a mentor not an activity to you??
YOU are the one who offers that you're going to help me find out the prices of the plywoods. You offered to teach me the basic knowledge... and I helped by browsing the prices via online shops. You acted supportive. But now? You acted as if it were a burden.
If you feel burdened... just say so! Don't act supportive... only to use it against me in an argument and calling me ungrateful. I'm well aware that you are busy! That's why I never rush you! You've been promising me that I'll have a big enough room for all of my supplies and shelves for my products, but none of those ever come true. I've waited patiently and it's been 4 years since you made that promise. But when Bang Andi said he needs a studio... you get it done within days. Unfair... and that hurts. A lot...
All of this because I refuse to tell you my body weight? You acted as if you're stressed out. But look who's crying and who's having fun. I can hear your laughter all the way from my room as you play. While here I am writing this letter... trying my hardest not to burst into tears because that's what I've been doing since your outburst, because I'm so bad at expressing my feelings out loud... because If I'm capable of doing so... I'll pour out all of it and you'll be left speechless over how much you're hurting me. "No mother would hurt her child...." That's what you said... but what a huge lie. Because here I am... bottling it all up to the point I feel like banging my head because of all the stress and pressure you poured on me. My period got messed up... doctor said because of stress... you said I'm too young to be stressed. But put yourself in my shoes... I'm sure you'll be no different than me. Now... do you still think that you know me better than myself?? Obviously not... because all you know is judge me... calling me fat... calling me lazy... calling me ungrateful.... Calling me a brat! If I'm all that... then what am I doing not talk back when you give a one sided judgement?? Other kids would rebel... but I didn't... for years I didn't... but I'm just a human who have a breaking point.
Remember... dad gave you the money, so I can buy a pair of new airpods 3. I was so excited and you called me a lucky girl... but then when I found out the price, you refuse to buy it because it's over the limits that I said. I even offered to use my own savings, but you still refuse. Dad said, just ask Bang Andi to buy it... okay. I follow and said nothing even though I was excited to buy it as that was one of my target when going to Batam. Bang Andi gave me the link, but then you offered that you'll ask whoever that is you're talking about so you can buy it from them. That you need me to wait patiently, okay! I'll wait patiently. Now you threaten me that you won't buy it for me because I refuse to tell you my weight? You took away my luck. Who's selfish now? I give up a lot to try and live up to your endless expectations... as much as they're killing me... I STILL try my best. But you keep pushing me and said it wasn't enough. I'm a human... not a machine! I have limits, and I'm slowly falling apart.
Read the link below... perhaps that's what you want? Seeing me having a mental disorder and eating disorder. Because of you... many people think it's okay to call me fat. That's very hurtful... I hope you realize how much of my self-esteem you've destroyed.
But I haven't sent it yet... should I?