My Patience Is Running Thin

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So... just like I said in the message board. My mom took me to the doctor. The doctor examined me and said I have low blood pressure. Which is caused by my lack of movement and activity.

That's when my mom starts telling the doctor that all I've been doing at home is just eat and sleep. She indirectly told the doctor that I'm being lazy! When all I've been telling her is "I want to start a small business!". So who's fault is it??

She make me give up a looooott of my dreams. When I wanted to be an athlete, she told me to stop. When I want to be a dancer, her and dad wanted me to stop. When I want to publish a book, she told me to focus on college. When my book is published (which isn't because of her), and wanted to be a mentor... she told me to focus on book market. When I want to start a small business, she told me work at her office because she said I won't survive by just selling small crafts. Why do I only sell small items so far? That is because I have NO space, because SHE broke her promise to renovate a room so I can have a craft room! I waited for months, but nothing happens. But when my brother said he needs a room for streaming, she got it done the next day. Woww... the favoritism is REAL.

So now that I'm jobless, and can only stay at home doing nothing... she called me lazy and sick child.

Oh... just so you know. I didn't tell her nor dad that I'm pursuing writing. I waited until I have readers and fans, so they can't make me stop on that too... since well, making me give up on my dreams are all they've been doing for the past years. Now that I have a stable fandom, they can't make me stop. She knows if she do... she'd be disappointing thousands of people.

Why do I love to sleep a lot? Because the dreams I had every night are waaayyyy better than my reality. Those dreams are so great that I wished I never wake up anymore. That's how shitty my reality was... and it's all because of them!

Remember the post I made, I think it's called "The Cause Of My Depression". Yeah... those "10 Signs Your Parents Are Making You Depressed". Having 1 or 2 are bad enough. Imagine having 7 out of the 10 signs turned out to be true. Yeah... it's true and that is what has been happening to me!

Dear God... I don't know how much of this pressure I could take. I feel like I'm going to blow up, if you know what I mean?

Every night... each time... I thought about this... I was always close to tears. I'm still sane right until this very seconds is a miracle. I am so close to blowing up each time my mom calls me lazy or fat or unmotivated. I don't know what I should do anymore... I'm tired.

Please God... if this is how my life is going to keep going. Just take me back! PLEAAASE just take me back! I don't want this anymore... I'm tired!!

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