Binary Sunset | SW Oneshots

Haunted

Anidala angst >:)

This was originally supposed to be based off of I Don't Smoke by Mitski but it ended up not being based off of that song so yeah (I think I Don't Smoke might actually fit Obikin better tbh)

I still linked I Don't Smoke for whatever reason idk

also I apologise if updates become a lot more infrequent. i've been really busy and i keep getting busier, school is starting soon and i've had less and less time to myself. motivation and inspiration have been difficult to come by, but i'll still keep trying to update and write :)

TW/CW: I don't even know what to warn for, I guess suicidal ideation? implied shit

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Anakin sat. Sat in the darkness. He couldn't sleep. Not now, at least. He was too upset, his hands shaking and his eyes wide.

He'd had another nightmare - another vision. This one was vivid, it was real. Not in the way a vision was, though, and not in the way a dream was supposed to be. In fact, he didn't remember much of it.

All he knew was that he had woken up with a horrible sense of dread, a shaky-hot fear, and he couldn't seem to make it go away. In fact, trying to make it go away only made it worse.

He wished he could smother himself, shove his head into a trash compactor and make it stop. Make his thoughts shut up, stop screaming at him. He wished he could make the pounding in his head stop.

It was fragile moments like these where he was scared Padmé would wake up and have to deal with him.

"Ani, if I didn't want to worry, I don't think I'd be here with you," She half-whispered, her chin resting on his shoulder. She rubbed his arms soothingly and draped hers around him, pressing a light kiss to his jaw.

He'd be dead without her.

He stared on into the darkness.

"You'll only be here for so long," He finally said, his voice a phantom, and she almost pulled away from him.

Her brow furrowed, and she pressed her cheek into his back as she tightened her hold on him. "That's not true, Ani. I'll always be here."

"Do you promise?"

At that, she flinched back. "What?"

"Do you promise that you won't leave me? Do you promise that you will love me for the rest of your life?" He was still, now. He'd stopped shaking, his hands hanging loosely between his knees as he leaned forward on his elbows.

"Of course, Anakin. I-I love you. I always will. Where is this- where is this coming from?"

"You're lying," He said, his voice painfully bland, painfully certain and painfully empty.

"What happened, Ani? What's wrong?"

He sighed. A sigh that racked his chest and made him close his eyes, a sigh that made him hurt. "I had a vision."

He turned to Padmé, who sat beside him on the edge of the bed. Padmé, his beautiful wife who stared at him with so much concern, such love that he depended on. He hated it. He was a Jedi. He didn't need her. He didn't.

But he did. He did need her. He did rely on that love, he depended on it more than he realized.

It scared him.

It scared him to be so selfish.

It scared him that he would be alone.

It scared him that she would leave him.

As much as he tried to hold them back, he couldn't. So the tears started falling, one after the other, until he could hardly breathe through them.

"And I was alone. Completely alone."

And it was my fault.

She sat beside him, rubbing circles in his back. Worry shimmered in her eyes at the shattering force behind the words, and stars it sickened him. It sickened him that she should care for him, it sickened him that he loved being cared for. It sickened him how much he needed her, when she would just leave him and he'd be alone.

He sobbed, trying to push back a gasp. "Padmé, I- I don't want to be alone. Please."

"Ani, you're not."

His thoughts slowed.

Ani, you're not selfish.

Ani, you're not to blame.

Ani, you're not alone.

That was it. That was all she needed to say.

He finally let himself take a breath. He finally let himself lean into her. And she held him. He realized that if he was a burden, she'd never say it.

She wouldn't say it, because she didn't mind.

That was good enough for him to break.