Until My Heartbeat Stops

a punch in the stomach

They flew back out for the funeral.

It was a last-minute decision and the hospital wasn't happy about losing their two best surgeons for another week. Noah was planning on flying out by himself, but Dixie insisted on attending as well.

During the plane ride, the last thing Noah could think about was the fact that they weren't on the ground. He really couldn't think about anything but Nate. He was hoping going to the funeral would give him closure and help him move on.

They stayed at a hotel by where the service was being held.

It was late when they got in. Noah couldn't be social. Not even with his girlfriend.

"Im gonna take a shower."

"Okay."

He walked over to the bathroom avoiding eye contact.

"Noah."

Dixie was trying her best to give him space, but she still wanted him to know he could talk to her. That she wasn't going anywhere and that she loved him, and that wasn't going to change.

"yea."

"Im here, okay."

"mmh."

He said before walking into the bathroom.

Dixie didn't want to make Noah feel like she was burdening him with care. She felt like that when Charli died. People didn't want to hear her say she didn't want to talk. It made them feel like they were doing a bad job caring for her. She just wasn't used to being on the other end of the straw.

When Noah came to bed he didn't say much. He laid down looking the opposite was Dixie was. She turned around hugging him and kissing his shoulder.

"I love you," she said and they fell asleep.

The next day wasn't the funeral. It was just everyone getting ready for the service.

When Noah and Dixie walked into the building it looked like the world had stopped. Like everything in the room was different than how the outside world was functioning at the moment. Aisha was the first person Dixie spotted in the crowd. She walked over to give her a hug her condolences and maybe put a smile on her face. She couldn't imagine how she was feeling, losing your husband not even a week, after getting married. She didn't get to spead her life with him the way she was planning to. Living with that must be hell. Dixie wanted Aisha to know that she was here for her.

She walked over and could tell she was already wiping her tears.

"Aisha hey."

"Hi." she started balling and Dixie pulled her into a hug.

Noah rubbed her back as she ranted about her emotions.

"I don't even know how it happened... it was so fast and i-i-i tried to save him i-i-i-its my fault I couldn't I didn't I-."

"shh shh, it's okay it's okay. It's not your fault. You did everything you could."

"I know but I still feel so guilty and responsible and we just got married."

Dixie looked up at Noah as Aisha continued to cry. She saw a tear roll down his cheek.

"You know." She started talking to Aisha but knew Noah was listening.

"Sometimes we lose people we love to teach us some kind of lesson. Now the lesson doesn't necessarily have to do with that person but maybe has to do with the people who are alive and that do love you. Maybe he passed because you need to learn to hold on to the people in your life that aren't going anywhere. Maybe it's a sign, and instead of pushing people away because it hurts so much. You have to let them in because it's hard to go through something like this alone and they're family and you don't have to do it alone. You never have to do it alone."

She was looking up and down from Noah and Aisha and when she finished Aisha wrapped her arms around her and Noah wiped his eyes again.

"Thank you," Aisha said.

"I needed that."