Pizza, pasta and past lovers

15: Lucca

Lalalala

There are two fresh pizzas in front of the boys. None of them has spoken yet and Harry starts the conversation.

"Throw them at me."

Louis looks up at the boy.

"I'm not going to throw my pizza at you, Harry. I'm hungry."

Harry chuckles and shakes his head.

"Not your pizza, you idiot. Your questions, throw them at me. I know you have them and I'm going to answer them honestly." Harry promises.

"How do you feel about me?" Louis asks. "Because you really confuse me. You gave me signs that there might still be some feelings towards me. I mean you were petty towards my boyfriend and you were about to kiss me but... You were the one that broke up with me so it's confusing. So, how do you feel about me?"

Harry takes a deep breath and looks into Louis' eyes.

"Exactly the same as all those years, if not stronger now I know what I lost. I'm in love with you, Louis and I'm not going to lie about it or make stupid excuses. I'm head over heels for you and you still give me the same butterflies." Harry nervously starts to nibble from his pizza when he answered his first question.

"Then why did you leave me? Why did you sent that stupid text that's still burnt in my brain, daily breaks off a piece of my heart and will always make me sick? You never answered your phone, I took the train back from London only to get your door slammed in my face by your sister who said that you didn't want to see me, I know your voicemail by heart... What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve this, Harry? I thought I gave you all of me..." Louis pushes his pizza aside, he really can't eat. His heart is beating in his throat and tears are rolling down his cheeks.

"I was so scared, Lou." Harry's lip starts to wobble as well. "All of you were leaving and I was alone, you weren't there to walk me to class, to snap at people who were being mean to me. You were always there to protect me, always by my side and I was going to lose that anyway.

And I was so scared that you would arrive at your university and you'd realise that you could get so much better as that stupid little kid from back home. You are so gorgeous, so perfect, the most precious person I know and you were going to London by yourself, being surrounded by attractive people that are older, love the same things that you love, have the same interests. You were going to forget about me, Louis. Meeting Marco was inevitable and look at him! He is more handsome, older, smarter, richer,... He has everything that I don't. I didn't stand a chance, Louis. You were in the middle of all of them good looking people while I am still an awkward high school kid. I was never good enough for you and university would exactly be the place where you realise!" Harry sobs loudly and his hands are shaking. "I couldn't have handled a break up call or text from you, Louis. It would have killed me."

"So you decided to give me one?" Louis snaps. "Who the fuck told you this shit, Harry? Who brainwashed you? Because I'm pretty sure everybody knew that you were it for me. I didn't give a shit about college boys, I loved you. I was planning trips back home every weekend, you could have come over to my place whenever you wanted, I made a schedule to videocall you. Marco would be maybe a friend but he'd never would have compared to you, Harry! He still really doesn't compare to you! God why did you throw us away! Why were you so insecure? Why didn't you fucking talk to me and we could have figured it out! I would have taken a gap year and waited for you so we could go together. I would have done anything to avoid the exact thing that did happen, Harry. "

Harry has never seen Louis like this. His shirt is soaking wet from tears and his fingers are tangled in his hair.

"And the worst part is that stupid love confession you just made because there is nothing more that I want then just running back into your arms. But I'm not making that decision yet because I'm together with someone.

Someone that was patient with me, picked up as many broken pieces of my heart as possible and tried to fix it. Marco knows I'm still not completely over my ex but he is waiting for me and accepting all the love that I give him, appreciating every single bit. He would do everything for me, Harry. He would do everything for me that I would do for you. Do you know how fucking difficult it is?" Louis sobs. "Do you know how difficult it is to know that someone loves you so much and you can't give it back? That you're not even sure that you will ever be able to give it back because you're pretty sure you will never get over your ex that broke your heart in a billion pieces?"

"I'm so sorry..." Harry's voice is broken. "I'm so sorry I ruined us, Lou. You didn't deserve what I did to you. I was stupid. I was scared and Nick told me that..."

And glass literally breaks in Louis' hand when he hears that name and Harry's eyes go wide.

"Shit, Lou you're bleeding!" he exclaims.

"I can't believe you took advice from him." Louis ignores his hand that is fully red now and Harry has never seen his eyes so dark.

"It was stupid, Louis but he was my only friend left and..."

"Ask the bill, I'm going to the bathroom to take care of my hand. This conversation is over."