equanimity

22

billie
"long time no see" dr. franco smiled at me when i walked into her office.

"yeah" i chuckled as i sat down on the couch. "honestly, i'm happy to be back here"

"why?" she titled her head.

"because" i shrugged. "i just missed coming here. plus i get some time away from making music, shit is so stressful!"

"tell me about it" dr. franco giggled while coming over and sitting in her own chair. "how has everything been since we last talked"

"well i'm famous now!" we both laughed and i let out a sigh. "i'm just playing, i'm not even famous. but my life has been getting stressful"

"how?" she said while writing something in her notebook.

"when i first started tour, things were amazing between jay and i" i told her. "then a few weeks in we've just been fighting every single day"

"are you guys still having problems?"

"no" i shook my head. "we're doing better though"

"you're communicating with her just how i told you the first time?" dr. franco raised a brow at me and i nodded. "that's good. tell me more about your career, how's that going?"

"oh my god dude" i threw my head and groaned. "i love it and hate it. it's a love hate relationship with music"

"why?"

"look, i love having shows and shit, okay?" i pointed at her. "but my management wants me to make another fucking album! i hate the process of making music. i hate writing songs. i hate everything about it"

"why do you dislike it so much?" she asked me. "shouldn't it be enjoying cause it's something that you are creating for the whole world to hear?"

"i mean... yeah" i shrugged. "i just don't like the process. it's too much and way too fucking stressful!"

"do you consider yourself a person who starts a certain thing and has to finish it the second you do?" dr. franco asked while writing something.

"yes" i nodded. "especially with music. i can't start another song unless i finish the one i'm working on. do you wanna hear one?"

"so you- do i wanna hear one?" she made a face and i nodded. "sure?"

"okay" i said excitedly while pulling my phone out. "this ones called see through"

i pressed play and handed her my phone.

"i wrote it from someone's perspective" i told her while she listened. "jaydens specifically, from our relationship before"

"i've noticed most of your songs are about her" doctor franco said while writing more things. "why's that?"

"i don't know" i shrugged. "i like writing things about her. did i tell you i got a tattoo?"

"no" she shook her head and chuckled.

i tucked some hair behind my ear and showed her the 'j <8' i have.

"that's cute!" she smiled. "does she have your initial too?"

"yeah she does" i said happily while nodding. "she's been telling me how she wants to get more tattoos though"

"oh- she has more?" doctor franco raised her brows up.

"yeah" i told her. "she only has two. my initial and the angel number '777' in the middle of her chest"

"why that number?" she asked me.