Our indelible pasts|✔

twenty four - bryson

WHEN I WAKE up, I'm more than glad to see Sandra next to me. She's still asleep, her mouth slightly ajar. She looks so peaceful.

After last night, I'm hoping that I somehow helped bring her mood up and she won't be feeling too gloom today. I miss bubbly Sandra.

"Why are you staring at me?" She croaks out in her sleepy voice.

"Because I like staring at you." I smile at her when her green eyes look up at me.

"That's creepy."

I chuckle before planting a kiss on her cheek. "I don't care."

She moves in closer to me, placing her arm over me and resting her head on my neck. We lay like that for a while, neither of us talking. I could honestly stay here forever.

"You okay?"

"I think the right question is; are you okay?" I tell her.

"I've been better." I feel her soft voice vibrate through my body as she speaks, sending shivers down my spine. "But definitely better than I was doing two weeks ago."

"Yeah?" I smile.

"Yeah. I really didn't expect it to hit me as hard as it did." She says, still laying her head on me. "I guess it just brought back all the emotions from when I lost Anna."

I kiss the top of her head, gently stroking her hair. Listening.

"I remember when they said that it was a drug overdose that killed her. I couldn't believe it. As far as I knew, Anna hated drugs and wanted nothing to do with them. I just don't get how it happened." I feel a tear of hers fall on my skin as she tells me about her childhood friend, and I hold her closer as if that will stop the tears and calm her down. "I just feel like I could have done something. I should have."

I turn my body so I can face her properly. Cupping her face with my palms, I say, "You did nothing wrong baby."

"No, I did." She chokes up on tears. "If I was a better friend, maybe...maybe I would have known and I could have stopped it. I could have done something. Anything."

"Hey...hey. Don't do that." I swipe at her tears with my thumb. "You were a great friend, I'm sure of it. But whether you were or not, it was on Anna to decide to tell you or not. And you can't change the past so don't waste your energy wishing you could have, cause you can't. What happened to Anna was tragic yeah, but don't blame yourself for it. You did your best."

"I just wish my best was enough." She quietly says.

"I know."

I know.