The Crimson Twilight of 50 ABY

Chapter Nine

Eclypse

Ben and I sat next to each other in the crowded shuttle, waiting for it to take off and leave. My right leg bounced uncontrollably from being so anxious yet Ben had laid his hand on my thigh which surprisingly helped a bit. Honestly, right now I don't want to be touched by anyone, especially by him.
This morning I tried to confront him for his actions and tried to apologize for calling him... you know... But instead, it turned into another argument and he called me 'Nova'.
It made me sick to my stomach.
That name makes me hate my skin all the way down to the bone.

I wanted so bad to slap his hand away however I couldn't find the courage to so I just let it stay for the time being.
"Look, Eclypse, I'm sorry." Ben eventually spoke up after we had jumped to hyperspace. I made it seem like I was ignoring him even though I was listening. He didn't even sound sincere about it.
"I didn't mean it. And I know you didn't mean what you said either. Like you said, "It was just a slip of the tongue"."
Okay so now was when I had to correct him.
"No, for me it was but you did that on purpose." I snapped. "You called me that wretched name just to get back at me. I accept your apology but don't lie about your intentions."
"I don't know what your problem is but it's getting out of hand. You need to stop this." He dictated. I scoffed as I turned to face him. "I'm not your 'Commander' anymore, you can't just boss me around. But here, if you think that you can, why don't I just call you Kylo from now on? How does that sound, Supreme Leader? It's your fault anyway that he ran away..."
Ben glared at me intensely so I knew that I pressed the right buttons. I want him to feel exactly how I feel. Sure, I love him but I have to put my love aside for a bit.
"I am not the only one at fault, Eclypse." Ben replied.
"And how in the heavens would I be at fault, Ben? I'm not the one who forbid him closure and yelled at him and me. You know, why are you even here?!" I demanded as I stood, my heart beating fast against my chest. I have to get away from him.
Now.
Before we hurt each other.
"Because I care, damn it!" He stood, hands curling into fists.
"Then start acting like you do. Because right now you're trying to blame anyone but yourself." I hissed. "I can't do this anymore. Not with you." I went to walk away but Ben pulled my arm back to make me face him and I tried to remove it but his grip grew tighter and tighter by the second.
"Don't walk away from me, Eclypse." He grunted.
"Oh trust me, I already have." I yanked my arm away and walked to the other side of the ship. I huffed loudly, sitting on a bench next to a few other people. They didn't seem to care though about my frustrated state and I'm glad they didn't. I don't like to talk about my problems, especially with people I'm not close to. Really the only people I would talk to years ago was my father and Kaitlin Saxe and now I don't have either of them thanks to all of my stupid mistakes.

But I can't believe Ben blamed me for Esmere running away...
Me.
I'm his mother, I wouldn't be so harsh.
And I was right, Ben is becoming his father by saying he cares but never shows it in the proper way. It reminds me of Kylo Ren which is why the name was brought up in the first place because though so many actions pointed to being caring and secretly loving, his words said otherwise. Except now it's vice versa.
The Ben Solo I know wouldn't do that.
And... because of that, I'm afraid he might turn again. Not exactly back to Kylo Ren but to be such a mean and unforgiving person. It scares me.

*Flashback*

"Commander," I started, walking up to Ren quickly. "Though I know you work in the army department could I speak with you a moment?"
Ren turned to me, an annoyed look on his face. He hates me and he was trying to get that idea across but what he didn't already know is that I was trying to get that same point across to him. It's one thing to join the First Order and become a Commander in one day, but to be paired to work with the enemy you hate the most is just crossing the line.
And though it's only been four days, Ren and I are so close to each other's necks.
"Go ahead, Nova." He rolled his eyes at me.
I huffed. "Allegiant General Pryde has advised me to schedule a meeting with the three of us to see if the new ships could accommodate the Troops better than the Finalizer."
Kylo scoffed at me and turned back to the monitors in front of him. "Tell Pryde I'm not going. I don't care about the Regular Troops, I have my own Knights and missions to worry about. You may go if you please."
"Ren, this isn't just about you, I don't want to do this either but you have to remember that Prdye outranks both of us by miles! It wouldn't be wise to deny him like that!"
"Commander Nova, I am well aware that you are new to The Order and how things work here on the Finalizer but it does not matter what Pryde's position is. What I say goes and that's the end of it." Kylo said, his annoyance with me becoming more prominent. I went to speak again but I heard footsteps behind me, it was an official messenger, one of the ones Hux and Supreme Leader Snoke uses. "Commander Ren, General Hux has a message for you." The officer's voice was shaking badly and I could feel that he was terrified of the both of us.
"Proceed." Ren sighed, though he didn't turn to the shaking officer.
"The General has asked that you meet with him in his office in ten minutes."
Kylo leaned his head back and groaned quietly, but not too quiet that I couldn't hear. "Tell Hux I'll be there before the end of my shift."
"But, Sir, General Hux says that it's urgent-"
Suddenly, the officer fell to his knees, his hand grasping at his neck and he gagged on his own air. Apparently Ren couldn't tolerate it anymore and started choking him with the force. I don't blame him but there are other ways to take care of it.
"Do you think I give a damn about how urgent it is? Tell Hux I will be there at the end of my shift." He repeated harshly then let the officer go. The man gasped for the air he had lost, getting out a "Yes, Sir." and hurried off to deliver the message.
"That was uncalled for Ren." I hissed. "When you're on the dark side you save your rage and anger for your enemies."
"Well, then you must not be a good Sith if you think that way, don't you think, Nova?" Ren looked at me and smirked.
I glared at him then strolled away. One thing I know for sure is that if I could, I would take out all of my anger out on Ren, no matter what side I'm on.