REDAMANCY [d.m.]

Chapter Fifty-Three: Draco Malfoy

Draco Malfoy, 1996

Blaise has been staring me down this whole fucking train ride and I wanted to bash his head into the wall. He found out about Elaine and I, and honestly I would do the same if he did that to her.

But right now, him staring at me didn't help at all. It made me more irritated and mad. He was in my business and he needed to stay out of it. These past few weeks have been enough torture already.

Especially with Elaine. I hated seeing her hurt. I hated seeing her like that. All her pain was because of me and my stupid ass. If I had just broken up with her at the beginning at the year as planned, she would have been over it by now.

But no, I had to be fucking selfish and keep her. The look in her eyes, when she spoke to me after summer broke me and I couldn't resist. I was selfish by not letting her go and now i've made things worse.

The plan was to ghost her, and then break up. I didn't have the heart to do that to her. She was my love, I couldn't. She was the only thing keeping me going.

For the whole year, it's gone long enough. I've broke her more than anything by not being around. All i've done is left her and made her hate me even more.

I regretted every single time, but I couldn't involve her in this. I couldn't. I would never forgive myself if she landed on the hands of Voldemort because of me. That's why I had to end things a couple days ago.

It was for the best, and saying those cruel things to her was the hardest thing I had to do. I wish I could tell her it was a lie. That I loved her and was trying to protect her, but I couldn't. Again, that was selfish.

My mind filled with sadness and I broken onto tears when she left. She was my everything, my light, my love. My Elaine. And I had to let her go.

I wish it could have been different. I wish we could have had a house, and kids, but that wasn't possible.

Breaking up with her was the best and worst thing I could have done for her. I broke her, but little does she know I just saved her 10x more pain.

It was better this way anyway. Or maybe that's what I keep telling myself to make me feel better. Yes, it is better like this.

Having her hate me. Forever. It was better. When she hates me like this, she can stay away. She can stay away from him.

I couldn't allow myself to be weak, and keep her. I couldn't. And now, I was on my way to the holidays. And unlike always, she wasn't on my lap this time but on the other side of the train.

I couldn't help but miss her cold hands on me. The way she touched me. The way she ran her fingers through my hair. God she's addicting.

Now, all I get is an angry Blaise. I rolled my eyes to his expression. I don't care what he thought.

"Have you gotten any idea what you've done? You've messed up real bad this time Malfoy" Blaise said.

I could feel myself getting stung at his words. Ouch. But I had to be strong. For her. For Elaine. For my Elaine.

"Fuck off Blaise this isn't your business" I said trying to act angry.