Lost and Insecure

Chapter 2

"Where is all this bleeding?" Bailey asked nervously as she and Richard Webber dug through Merediths abdomen.

"I don't know. Don't worry, we'll find it." Richard said calmly. He wasn't calm. This wasn't good at all. "We have to get this under control before she codes." Bailey exclaimed.

"SATs just dropped." The anesthesiologist announced, keeping a close eye on her monitors. "BP is dropping too."

"Keep packing her. And keep the blood coming. I....I may have nicked her hepatic artery." Bailey said with a gulp. "Okay, okay." Richard said with a deep breathe. "We'll repair it."

Then there it was. The dreaded flatline. Surgeons were used to it. It happened almost daily. But on one of their co workers? On Derek shepherds wife? It couldn't happen.

"Oh god. Starting CPR." Bailey said, pressing down rhymically on her former interns chest. She felt Merediths ribs cracking under the pressure, but until that flatline went away, she refused to stop.

"Charging paddles to 200. Clear." Richard said. Bailey stopped CPR as Merediths frail body jerked up and down. CPR was resumed as Richard charged the paddles again.

"300. Clear!" The older surgeon said loudly. Nothing. "6 minutes, chief." The anesthesiologist reminded. "She is not dead. Meredith Grey will not die." Bailey cried.

Minutes passed. And nothing. "We're going on 12 minutes chief." Bailey said in a broken voice. "One more round of EPI. We can't give up...she's....we can't give up." Richard said.

Bailey nodded and continued the CPR. "Charge to 500. Clear!"

"Come on, Meredith. You have to Fight." Bailey urged.

And then there it was. One, tiny heartbeat. Then another, then another. It was there. "Shes back." Bailey said in relief.

But she was down for a long time, wasn't she? "John, how long was she down for?" Richard asked quietly. "12 minutes 23 seconds." He replied.

The OR went silent. Everyone knew what that meant. If the brain is deprived of oxygen for that amount of time, there's no telling what damage it could do.

"We need to close her and get her to the ICU right away." Richard said quietly.

So, they did so. Meredith was still intubated. Generally, they would extubate her after surgery. But the risks were too high now.

•••

It was a routine surgery. Major, but routine. Routine happens on a pretty regular basis. That's what everyone told Derek as he sat in the waiting room.

But Derek felt something. Something was wrong. It was this nagging feeling. As Bailey and Richard made their way over to him, he immediately recognized the look on their faces.

As surgeons, as interns, they learn how to control their emotions when telling family and friends how surgery went. To make them not freak out. But this was the opposite for Derek.

"How did it go?" He breathed as he stood up. His expression was hopeful. He needed her to be okay. "How about we sit down?" Richard suggested.

It was then Derek started to get really scared. "W-what? Why?" He asked nervously. "Come on." Bailey said.

The two surgeons led him into a small conference room and sat down. "Please, is she alive?" Derek asked, begging. "She is alive." Bailey replied.

Derek held his breath. There was a but coming. Something went really wrong.

"Merediths hepatic artery was accidently nicked. We repaired that, but she coded. She was down for....for nearly 12 and a half minutes." Richard explained softly.

Derek froze. He was a neurosurgeon. He had seen plenty of patients code and have their brain derived of oxygen and never come back.

"Oh my god." Derek whispered. "We don't know the extent, if there is any brain damage at all. We need a CT." Richard said softly, knowing dereks world may as well be crashing down.

"Okay. Okay." He whispered, trying to wrap his head around what was happening. His Meredith was selfless enough to donate her liver and save her estranged father, and now she may be brain damaged.

"Do you want to go see her?" Bailey asked gently. Derek looked up and nodded.

"We kept her intubated as a precaution. The surgery went well, aside from the coding." Richard warned. Derek turned into the room and his heart broke at his wife's intubated and unconscious form.

"Oh, Mer." Derek gasped. He immediately noticed the machine measuring her brain activity, and was relieved to see it was there.

"When will she wake up?" Derek asked. The doctor, rational part in his brain knew they weren't sure when. "We don't know, Derek. Her brain activity is there. It's just a matter of time. And when she wakes up, we'll access her and go from there." Richard explained.

"12 and a half minjtes is a long time." Derek whispered. He knew his wife could have serious brain damage. Broca's aphasia, muscle weakness, memory loss. It could be really bad.

Derek pulled a chair by Merediths bed and looked to the two surgeons. "Can I have a minute?" He asked quietly. They nodded and left the room respectfully.

"Hey Mer. I don't know exactly what's going on right now in your mind. I don't know if you can hear me. But you have to fight and wake up, okay? Whatever happens...we'll get through it. We always do. This could be really bad, or you could be completely fine. I'll explain more when you wake up, but I love you so much Meredith. Open those gorgeous blue eyes." Derek whispered as he smoothed back her hair.

"Derek, it's time for her CT." Bailey interrupted softly. "Okay." Derek replied as he ran a stressed hand through his hair.

Meredith was rolled to the CT while Derek latched on to her hand. "Do you want to stay with her?" Richard offered. "Yes." He replied instantly. No way he was going to leave her. And honestly, he wasn't quite sure he wanted to see the scans.

A few Minutes later, the scans were up. "Page Nelson now and have him look at these. Get her back to her room and keep a neurosurgeon on call at all times." Richard said.

Hey guys!! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and hope your all doing well. Thanks for reading.