Second time lucky

26

I guess I had expected him to come over today. He wasn't the type to leave something unresolved and I guess I had known that since high school when he told me he loved me all those years ago.

What I didn't expect was that, unlike every other day he came, he knocked on the door and waited for me to answer.

I opened the door and noticed the tired and uncertain look on his face. The way his shoulders looked slumped forward rather than upright as they usually were, or the way he didn't look directly in my eyes.

I had already hurt him, even when I didn't want too.

"Can we talk?" He asked as I nervously opened the door wider to let him walk inside. Avas and Bretts cars were still here so at least we had buffers if needed.

I closed the door and nervously followed him to the back yard where he sat at the little table we used for cookouts. I took a seat opposite him and waited, fiddling with my fingers under the table.

"Look Britt I'm sorry. I..I know I overreacted and I know you wouldn't cheat on me, or anyone."

"Okay?" I said.

"It's just, it's hard for me. Seeing him with the kids. I know it's selfish of me and I really am happy they have their dad, it's just the last four years it was almost as if I was that person to them. When I told you to talk it out with Riley, I meant it. I want you to get along, for them and for you. I just, I don't want to loose you Britt." He explained as I tried to formulate a response.

"I'm not going to say it's okay Kyle, it's not. What you accused me of hurt. It hurt me more than anything because it meant you didn't trust me, at least not in the way I trust you. I truly didn't know that he had spent the night and you acted as if I was lying to your face, as if I were capable of doing something like that. I can forgive a lot of things Kyle, but how can we make this work if you don't trust me, I just .. I need time." I sighed with a tear in my eye.

This was hard. Almost as hard as the day I thought I was saying goodbye to Riley, only to find him gone already.

"I think I need to figure myself out." I added.

"So you're just going to give up?" On us?" He asked.

I guess he took my silence as a response as he continued to speak. "Can I fix it?" He asked as I sat quietly. I wanted to reach out to say something, but no matter what I thought of, none of it seemed like it would lessen the blow.

He didn't trust me, and without trust we were doomed to fail.

"It's him isn't it?" He shook his head.

"It's not like that, I" I began.

"Don't Britt. I think I've always known, even before he came back that you still loved him. Maybe that's why I freaked out about him being here."

"Kyle, I..."

"No Britt. I've been there okay, I've had my own Riley." He began as I just sat with a puzzled look on my face. I had never asked about his ex's and I never cared too.

"It was at my last high school, the one before I moved here to live with Ava. She was perfect, we were in love. That corny first love like you had with Riley, where everything is about doing what you think the other person wants, even if you don't fully know yourself. She was perfect, long blonde hair, gorgeous crystal blue eyes. She was everything to me, my first kiss, my first time, my first love. But you can't hold onto that forever. You have to move on sometime because first loves are rarely ever last loves." He explained