A Duet of the Soul

Chapter 43: A Four Letter Word

*Justin's POV*

Pushing to get rid of her? That was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to hold her tight and never let her go, but she deserved someone better than me. I knew it, and she did too. It was time to be honest with ourselves. "Maria, you deserve someone who can make your dreams come true and can give you everything. You deserve to be somewhere where you're happy with someone you can love. That's all I want for you."

"I already am, so just stop."

The world stopped turning the moment I heard those words escape her lips. Surely, she was lying, but then again, why would she? Maybe I just misheard her? Maria's hands left my arms as she wrapped her arms around my waist and snuggled into me. I held her while confusing thoughts bounced around my head.

"I don't understand." I felt stupid not figuring out what she was talking about. She couldn't be happy here. She didn't love me. How could she? I abducted her and ripped her from her peaceful world. I drug her down into my dark life, and I'd forced her away from everything.

"I told you, I already am somewhere where I'm happy."

I rubbed her back as her words sank in. "But... You deserve to be loved by someone you can love back. I know you can't have that with me. I'm not trying to get rid of you. I'm just trying to find a way to give that to you."

"Why do you think I can't love you?"

"How could I ever think you would? I kidnapped you, kept you captive, forced you to give up everything in your life. Now I'm on my way to go kill someone. You deserve so much better, Maria."

"Yeah you did those things, but it was all to keep me safe. You love me, and you show it every day. That's someone I could grow to love."

I swallowed back the pain in my throat. My eyes burned as I fought to hold back tears. I didn't realize this conversation would get so emotional and so heavy. I thought I was coming up here just to say goodbye for the evening. I didn't think we would get into this deep of a subject. My voice lowered as I fought to continue the conversation in a calm manner. "I could never ask that of you."

"You don't have to ask, Justin."

My heart stopped beating at her words.

You don't have to ask.

What did that mean?

You don't have to ask.

Why wouldn't I have to ask?

You don't have to ask.

What the hell did that mean?

Once again, I was completely lost in this conversation. Every time I thought I had her figured out, she said something else that left me totally confused. I thought through the conversation to try to straighten out my thoughts. I told her she deserved someone she could love and be happy with. She said she already was. I told her she deserved better than me. I explained why she was wrong. She said I was someone she could grow to love, and I told her I wouldn't ask that of her. You don't have to ask.

I still don't know what that means. God, I feel like a moron having to ask her to clarify again. "Maria. I don't understand what you mean."

She took a step back to look up at me, her hands still clutching onto my shirt. "You're someone I could grow to love. You don't have to ask me for that because it's already starting to happen."

My mouth dropped to a surprised O-shape, eyes growing wide and eyebrows bunching together. What? I couldn't have heard her right, right? She was falling in love with me? That wasn't possible, right? Sure, she had told me something similar in the past, but it had been around the time of one of her attempted escapes. I couldn't believe her then, but could I now?