Wonder if....

Season 3 (Confused but Certain)

An:Question of the day: What is your favorite hobby? (Don't answer if you are not comforatable doing so, its okay!)

Gilbert:
I sat up in bed, my thoughts wirling around aimlessly.

Last night did not go... well. Lets' put it that way, I told her everything, everything about Winifred and all that I was feeling, then when it came time to tell her it all kind of fell apart.

She looked so confused when I said it, as if she couldn't possobly understand why I would want to be with someone so kind and beutiful, someone so passionate and driven to do whats right, she just seemed so shocked that it would even be something I would want.

Even through that though, I saw the spark of happiness that lit inside her when I said it and that was what I clung to that whole time, but the more she looked at me the more my confidence wavered and I knew she could tell, then it came to when I had to leave and it all came crashing down again.

I would have to marry Winifred and go to the Sorbonne, that was a great way to start my life as an adult and yet... I didn't feel like it was right. I shook my head trying to be free from those thoughts and instead turned them to the new task at hand: Asking Winnie to marry me.

"May I have your hand in mairage?" I began but quckly decided against it "No. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" I stood up woth a new idea in mind before going to rummage around my room, it had to be here somewhere.

I pulled out an old box from the trunk at the end of my bed and sighed in relief when I found the small balck pouch, the ring, I walked with it admiring the fine meding on it for a mere moment before dropping it to the floor accidentaly.

I bent down quickly and found it underneath my bed, that was close, I sat up on my legs and looked at the ring, letting out a smile as it slid onto her finger and I stood to kiss her gently.

Only when I did rise to my feet in this fantasy it was Winifred I saw, my smile dropped, even my subconcious knew I would theink of y/n first and it just had to rob me of this thought, had to put Winifred in front of me when everyone knows who would really make me happy.

I wanted to scream in frustation, instead I sunk onto the floor with the ring still in hand, that longing feeling to put it on the one girl who truly meant that much to me, it fel tas if I knew what to do and I didn't know at all at the same time, it felt impossible.

Y/N (This begins when she wakes up as well, there is important things in that scene that will make more sense why they are added later, if anyone was confused):
I shot straight up the next morning, the tear stains from last night had dried on the pillow and my face felt stiff from the one that fell while I slept, I sighed deeply, he was going to get married any day now and there was nothing I could do, I couldn't stop his happiness from flourishing just because it brought me dread.

I stood up, ready to go to the kitchen to get some much needed breakfast but stopped when I tripped slightly and ended up on the ground. I groaned angirly and turned to look at the culprit only to be met by the book Gilbert had goven me what felt like decades ago.

The same geography book he had given me that day when he found out how much I enjoyed it, I picked the book up, examininig it.

It really was such a nice book, I couldn't help but feel sad though, now when I held it I would be forever reminded of the boy who I spent so many nights thinking about, who I thought would be the one for me no matter what, and now, now that was gone.

I threw the book to the ground, I had to talk to someone and quick, I knew Stacy would be more than willing to help but I also don't think she owuld be the bst person for this advice.

I racked my brain trying to think of a person I could talk to when it finally struck me, Anne had told me that Aunt Jo had come back to see Diana before the Queens exams!

Finally, one good thing happens in the array of bad that always see to swim around me, I barely even said goodbye to Stacy as I took off down the path to her house, much quicker than my usual pace.

When I made it, I was let in by one of the house maids, it only remined me of how rich Diana must be, I used to be the unpaid house maid for everyone when I lived with my family.

Diana came down the stairs and she barely let out a smile "Hello, what brings you here?" she asked curtly, her sharp tone confusing me but I went on nonetheless "I heard Aunt Jo was here, and I really need to speak with her." Diana sighed "Anne told you that to huh? Typical." my eyes widened at her words, what in the hell happened that I wasn't aware of?

She looked to the maid behind us "Please go inform Miss Barry that she has a visoter." she said giving me a hard stare before she moved upstairs once more. I didn't understand what was going on, all I know is that it probably has somethig to do with Anne and apparently that somehow invloves me.

I tried not to dwell on it when Aunt Jo came down the stairs, "Why hello my dear" she said happily, she noticed the look on my face and gave me a sympathetic smile "Go on child, tell me everything.".

While we walked in the acres of land Diana had we talked about everything that had happened, right up to our conversation "I think he is interested, and I think he wants to know if I ami interested in him as well, but if he is then I definitly just told him to marry someone who isn't me." I said frantically.

"Well..." she began as we neared a bench sat under a large tree "Do you love this Gilbert Blythe?" my heart stuttered while my mind told me the simple answer but I was to scared to believe it.

"I don't know, I have never felt that way for someone! He would be the only one I think of that way, but love? How would I know if I did and how would I be even to say it to him without doing something wrong? How can I tell him to pick me when Winifred can have everything laid out for him and his future?".

"Explain to me that part, who is this Winifred?"

I sighed, she took a seat on the bench but I satyed standing.

"A girl... her father offered him a chance to do something in his life that he otherwise wouldn't be able to."

Aunt Jo looked thoughtfully "That is a prodigious conundrum."

I almost scoffed, tell me about it.

"I just don't know what to do Aunt Jo, it used to be so simple, so black and white but now I have to decide what the rest of my life will be in just a few days! This one descion could ruin my life or his, how am I supposed to make such a choice? Does-does that mean that I don't love him?".

She shook her head slightly "I never bought into that 'you just know' notion. Love is a tricky thing. Sometimes it feels like an undeniable force that hits between the eyes and doesn't let up. Other times its, malleable, questionable. It's truth hidden in and amongst external obastacles and interal circumstances that have made you who you are and what you expect in the world, and how you can accept love.".

I had moved to sit next to her as she spoke, "It is complicated to say the least. And if the mind is abuzz with pressure and deadlines and 'what ifs' I would think that love would be near impossible to feel".

"I Wonder If when all's quiet in your mind, you'll find your answer.".

She spoke it with such certainty yet I couldn't help but question "But what if its to late?" she looked at a loss there.

I looked to my hands, maybe this story would have that sad ending I had thought it would after all.

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An:1474 Words! Thank you all for all
of the support! Thank you for all of
the reads and new followers! They
mena a lot to me! I also know
that I captilized 'Wonder' and
'If' in one of those sentences!
I don't think it takes a genius
to know why, I thought it
was cool! As
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