Wonder if....

Season 3 (Greif)

Y/N:
Today was the day... Stacy woke me up early this morning to get ready. To say goodbye to Mary. Tears almost flooded my eyes at the thought but I held them back, today I had to be strong, not only for me but for the others who this effected.

I pinned my hair back trying to keep it neat and then put on the dress Stacy helped me get for today, I usually like getting new dresses but this is to solem an occasion for it. To much hurt to be happy for a dress.

I glanced in mirror checking for anything I may have missed, then stood straight with a sigh. Stacy set her hand on my shoulder giving me a sad smile "I know its hard, but you'll get through this okay?" I nodded, the words reminding me of Marys, the ones she had told me at the Easter party.

I took in a deep breath before turning and nodding to Stacy, she grabbed my hand pulling me out onto the path, we would be walking to the service. It seemed like only yesterday I was talking to her at the wedding, saying hi and becoming friendly, as if it were only yesterday I had first told her one of my many stories.

They always seemed to be ones that made her laugh. I felt a tear drip to my cheek and I quickly swiped it away, I had done a good job of keeping myself distracted but that may have done more harm than good.

Now it felt like all of the emotions I had kept tightly shut in were ready to burst out, ready to fill my eyes with water and turn my heart black and cold.

People were already standing by the area when we arrived, including Anne and Gilbert who I chose to stand by while Stacy stayed a bit farther back with more of the parents, important to note that my parents did not attend.

I know they didn't know her to well but they could have at least payed respects or something, more and more I think it was a good thing to have been kicked out.

As more arrived the service began, the pastor reading from the bible "The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in a green pasture: He leadeth mebeside the still waters. He restoreth my soul" he was reading, I listened intently as he went on.

Tears finally making there way down my face as I held in the sobs that wanted to rage through my body. "He leadeth me in the path of righteousness, for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: For thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me" he continued on.

I watched as Anne knelt quietly by the grave, placing the flowers gently on the dirt, he finished his reading and people began to walk inside, I dind't move though.

I stayed still, staring at the grave, I hadn't let myself cry since it happened, hadn't let myself think even the slightest bit about, would smack myself each time and I just couldn't do it anymore.

I knew Stacy must have wondered why shes didn't hear sobs at night or why she hadn't heard me say a single word regaurding it but she had let me have my space.

I try to pull the tears back still staring down at the dirt, I could feel everyone leave around me but there were still a few people who hadn't left, I already knew who it was though.

Anne, Stacy, Gilbert, none of them had left yet, I could feel there eyes staring into my head waiting for something, anything to happen. So far though it hadn't, I hadn't let the wall break just yet, the knot in my throat becoming tighter the more I tried to stop it.

All my efforts were wasted the moment I felt a comforting hand placed on my shoulder.

Everything hit, all of it coming to the surface, my legs dropped and I let out a strangled cry, I felt arms wrap around me and a hand stroking my hair calmly trying to soothe me.

Sobs that I had held back for so long were now coursing through my body, ot felt like a train had hit me at full speed, air barely being able to get in and out of my lungs.

I finally opened my eyes that had been tightly shut as I cried, being able to see Gilbert and Anne at my sides with concerned looks on both their faces and Stacy consoling me, ot at least trying her best.

I felt Gilbert grab my hand giving it a gentle squeeze "Take a breath y/n/n, its going to be okay" he said gently, his voice was soft, his eyes worried as he looked at my shaking figure.

I tried to do as he said, the ringing in my eats disapating enough to hear the story Anne was trying to tell me, about dragons soaring through the sky to help wounded villagers as they fought against the evil king.

"Thats it, you're doing so good, keep going" I continued to take deep breaths, the world becoming less fuzzy the more I took.

I could feel the gentle swaying Stacy had as I became more aware of everthing, finally being able to fully sit up, I gave his hand a squeeze before pulling away and bring my hands up to bury my face in them.

"I'm so sorry" I looked up seeing them all shaking their heads "You have no reason to be. Greif is different for everyone my girl" Stacy said giving me a breaif hug before pulling away again.

The others nodded in agreement, Gilbert offering his hand to help me stand up, I took it and he pulled me to my feet, a small blush made its way across my cheeks as he did.

Anne grabbed my hand once I was up and gently pulled me to the house where the rest of the people were, Anne bringing me to sit by some of the others while Stacy went to talk to Marilla and Gilbert... I'm actually not to sure where he went.

                                                                                                                      ***
The days slowly wore on, I no longer tried to hide my feelings, it had really only been four or so days since the funeral but it was enough for me to know what I needed.

Just some time really, and an outlit for writing my feelings, so far I had come up with some of my ideas for a book but now all were fully developed. It would take some time, but one day I know I'll get it right.

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An: 1148 Words! Okay then I hope you liked
that one! I'm just going to say, you are
not ready for this book. I just came up
with something and if it does what I
think it will then you all will be
shocked...no flabbergasted! As
always leave any questions,
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or concerns! I hope you
enjoyed this chapter!
Happy Reading Bookworms!