Living a Dream

Chapter 20 | ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡᴇ?

I left the studio and went straight to my place. I cried all the way home. Maybe I'm being over dramatic but I don't care. The words 'just my stylist' hurts me. I'm tired of this secret relationship thing.

I entered my flat and throw myself on the couch. I turned on the tv. I'm not really watching tv I just need noises so I feel less lonely.

I'm still sobbing like a little baby. Helena means the world to me but I'm just a fucking stylist to her. I'm heartbroken.

Watching tv isn't helping. I unlocked my phone and there is tons of miscalls from Helena and few messages from her too. I just ignore it. I decided to text Jason.

Me
Jass are you free right now?

Jason
Yea.. why?

Me
Can you come to my flat? I need emotional support

Jason
What happened? Are you okay?

Me
Just come over. I'll tell you later.

Jason
I'll be there in 10

10 minutes later Jason came. I opened the door and let him in. My eyes still red and puffy from crying.

"Omg you look hideous" he said.

"Oh shut up!" I punched his arm.

We sit on the couch.

"So what happened?" He asked.

"It's just me being over dramatic" I stare blankly at the tv.

"Umm.. please elaborate" he furrowed his brows. I sigh.

"It's about Helena. She had an interview with graham and he suddenly asked about me. He said people start to speculate that Helena might be in relationship. But to my surprise, she respond by telling him that I'm JUST her stylist and she had enough with relationship" I explained.

"Did you ask her about that comment?" He asked.

I shake my head, "no.. I just run away and leave her" I start crying again.

Jason let me cry on his shoulder. I was sobbing.

"I know I'm being too dramatic.. but.. but I'm tired playing hide and seek like this. I feel like my existence has no meaning to her. I'm just her toy."

"You can't just speculate like that y/n. Let me ask you something." I look at him, "does her family knows about you?" He asked.

"As her love interest?" He nodded, "I don't know. Helena doesn't bother to hide her clinginess in front of her mother or her kids and they're seems fine about it"

"That means Helena not really playing hide and seek! It just means she's not ready for the public. You know she's a superstar. She never come out about her sexuality. And also she's twice your age, people will judge her for having a relationship with someone who could be her daughter"

He's right. I'm being too childish and selfish.

"That's exactly like what happened between me and Sam. You remember that time when I had a big fight with him? When we went to warner bros?" I nodded, "we argue about the same thing. He's tired of hiding but I'm too scared to coming out" he continued.