Mirror of Perfection (hisollumi story)

Chapter 32 - 9 days and it opens

Illumi's Pov:

I've been in my room for 9 days. But I decided I'm gonna come out today. I need to see Hisoka and Killua. I found out where Hisoka lives and I'm going to see him today but I need to talk to my little brother first. I'm wearing a black hoodie to cover my arms and stomach, and black sweats to match the black hoodie. I'm well aware that if either of them hug me, they'll be able to feel how thin I am, but I'm ok with that.

I slowly open my door, I don't see anyone. I can hear Alluka, Kalluto and Gon downstairs. Its around 6 pm so I expect everything to be pretty calm. I go across the hall to Killua's room. I knock. "Not right now Gon" He sniffles and cries. I don't reply, instead I try to turn the door knob. Locked.  "Gon, I said not now!" He says this in a soft voice but threatening tone. I honestly don't care if he doesn't want to see Gon or not, I'm not Gon. I take a bobby pin out of my hair and pick the lock.

I steadily open the door, peeking in a little. Hes laying facing the other wall, then flips to his other side to look at his door. "Gon how many ti-" He cuts off when he sees me. Tears immediately start pouring down his face but he keeps his gaze locked with mine. My whole body froze, his gaze wasn't happy to see me, it was mad. His nose started to twitch, I wanted to take a step back, but I couldn't. He got up off the bed, his eyes never leaving mine. He walked over to me and despite being a foot shorter then me, he shoved me backwards and into the wall. "GET! OUT!" He screamed slamming the door in my face and locking it. Seconds later, just on the other side of the door, I hear Killua scream and cry. 

 I back up, into my room. I hold back tears while  I put 5 inch white demonias on, then get up. I wear demonias so I'm a lot taller then I normally am. I started wearing them when I was 13 so I'm used to walking in them now. I open my door, I can hardly fit, I start to walk down the hall, slowly. I glance back at Killua's closed door. I thought he'd be happy to see me, but it seemed he hated me. I don't know what I did. It gives me an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

I reach the stairs, stopping. I can see Gon hugging Alluka and Kalluto, whispering "its ok." I'm guessing he doesn't know what happened, but he can make a guess. I take a step down the stairs, Gon looks at me. Kalluto and Alluka don't notice me and keep crying into Gon's chest. There facing away from me, so they won't notice me until I get down. I take another step. Gon takes a step back, and holds them tighter, protecting them from me. I don't blame him, I've caused so much harm to my siblings. A tear rolls down my face, and I take another step. Gon's face relaxes, and he looks sorry, but keeps protecting them.

I stare down, and walk down the stairs. When I pass Gon, Kalluto and Alluka, I can feel all there eyes on me, but I walk past them with my head down. It doesn't even matter, they can still see my face because I'm taller then them by a lot. I walk to the front door, open it, and close it behind me. My legs start to shake and so do my hands. I hate myself.