Lay Me Down

Lay Me Down Chapter 21

 

"You're not sick," I whispered to myself more than to her. Saying it aloud just caused my body to fill with rage. "I . . . I can't believe you! Why would you lie about something like that?" 

 

It felt like my blood was boiling from all the anger inside of me. "You bitch! Don't ever expect anything from me again. I don't care if you are on your dying bed and have five seconds to live! I will never in my life help you in any kind of way!" Over a thousand dollars went to drugs, and not cancer treatment or antibiotics but drugs. I couldn't believe this was happening. 

I left the room and exited the house with my bag on my shoulder. I inhaled a deep breath and composed my face before entering the car with Carter because it always seemed that he knew when something was wrong. I sat down in the seat and closed the door behind me trying not to let any emotions display themselves across my face.

 

"Ready?" he questioned.

"Ready," I said with a smile. 

He shifted gears and pulled out of the driveway. I turned my head and stared out of the window, my thoughts lingering back to the pathetic situation even though I tried to dismiss it. I was mad as hell. They used me to get drug money. After all she had done to me I was willing to put it aside and help her and this is how she repays me? Over one thousand dollars gone in less than a day! I had given my body to help her, I betrayed Carter to help her, and I lied to him to help her, her, her. All for her! Why in the world was she my mother why had she done so many horrible things to me? I wanted to leave this place and never come back; I wouldn't miss any of it, at all.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Carter asked grabbing my hand and holding it in his. 

I snapped out of my thoughts and realized I was crying. Shit! I pulled my hand away from his and quickly swiped away the tears. "Nothing," I said smiling at him even though I knew that it wouldn't work. "I was just thinking about something." 

"You can tell me," he said as he stroked my cheek with his hand. We pulled into his driveway.

 

"No, I can't," I said as tears streamed down my face. 

He put the car in park and turned to face me, and then wiped the tears away from my face. I felt so bad for doing what I did, especially now that I knew that it was all for nothing. I had lied to Carter's face and broken our promises. I didn't deserve him.

 

"What's going on?" he questioned but I turned my head away from him. I heard him give a sigh, and then some shuffling. The door was opened and then it closed. Before I knew it, he was on my side opening the door. He grabbed my bag and my hand and pulled me out the car, and then he walked inside the house and upstairs to his room.

He dropped my bag in the corner and sat on his bed pulling me next to him. He faced me and glared into my eyes.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"  

 

"Nothing's going on," I said in a barely audible voice.

 

"You know I know that's a lie right?" 

I hung my head low and stared at nothing. I was so ashamed of what I had done and I didn't have the courage to tell him. It would result in me losing him and I knew that. Maybe I was being selfish, but I wasn't brave enough to tell him what was going on.