BALANCE | A Star Wars story

VI

TW: sexual assault (after ○ ○ ○)

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A shadow of crimson possesses my vision once again, this time the cackle in my ear is louder and more prominent. Thousands of hands grab at me but one specific one burns my right shoulder.

     I attempt to draw my eyes from the wall to look at what is causing the nerves in my shoulder to light on fire but they remain focused on the wall. I have lost all control over my body and can only stare at a bright red wall whilst my shoulder feels like it's on fire.

     The fire spreads from my shoulder down my arm and up onto my neck, it attacks my skin like thousands of needles. A scream of pain wrenches itself from my throat and something happens in the corner of my eye.

     A small obsidian hairline crack has appeared in a stark contrast to the blood red wall. The scream dies in my throat as I focus my attention on that, almost subconsciously willing it to grow, desperate to see my captor once and for all.

     The laugh turns into a chorus of maniacal 'yeses' coming from the same voice. I ignore the voice and focus of the crack, drawing the force from within me and willing to crack bigger. It begins to grow a faction and hope builds in my chest...

     Suddenly I'm snapped awake, my body automatically pushing myself into a fight stance. After a few glances around I see that there's no one around and I fall back to the floor in exhaustion. I send the lingering feelings of fear and frustration out into the force and take a moment to compose myself. It's then I begin to notice the ache in my back and legs from spending the night curled on the hard floor. My right shoulder is stiff and sore, it was pushed up against a wall in an awkward position that made it ache terribly.

     I also notice the tightness in my chest and the soreness of my throat. Suddenly I'm struggling to breath properly but regain control of myself pretty quickly, I've got a cold. I sigh miserably, the longing to be home swells in my chest.

      I walk down the streets I passed yesterday, there's barely anyone out which makes me wonder what time it is. The sun has risen so it mustn't be that early, most people must be hungover. After seeing how crowded that one bar was yesterday it wouldn't surprise me if this is one of those planets that people come to just to get wasted and escape their normal routine for a bit.

     I begin to head back down to the docks where I washed up yesterday, there's an intense pain my head now and an intense craving for something to eat and drink claws at my throat and stomach. To my left are several docking bays lined with many different types of Starships, I decide to begin my search for a shuttle down here.

     After a while I'm starting to realise that there is no shuttle on this desolate planet, besides who would want to bring people here? I look back into the streets crowded with shops that aren't even open, I spot a figure breaking in to one of the shops near the dock and some part of my brain tells me I should stop him but I ignore it and continue my search.

     Hope dwindles out of body with every step I take, I'm stuck here. I'll have to become a criminal, resort to the ways of crime in order to get through the day. Maybe one day I'd steal enough credits to by a ship and fly back to Coruscant but then I couldn't go back, I couldn't bring myself to be a Jedi with my hands stained like a criminal. Then I really wouldn't be the perfect Jedi.

Master Nilim would tell me to stay positive and to not succumb to the negative emotions but I'm finding it harder and harder to do that. A downside to rarely leaving Master Nilim's side is that I don't know how to handle being by myself, especially when the situation is as dire as this. I'm spiralling and I know it. My thoughts becoming darker and more unrealistic but I can't stop them. I don't know what to do.