BALANCE | A Star Wars story

XLVI

      My mother charges at me, anger and hurt fuelling her every move. She uses the force to propel herself into the air and strike her sabers upon my own in the falling leaf technique. I push up against her twin sabers, my muscles already ache due to my duel with my father and I'm not sure if I will be able to fight my mother for long.

        I move to the side in a quick flash, causing her to  fall forward slightly but she doesn't loose her footing. I put some distance between us and get ready to fight again.

        She doesn't waste a second before charging again, she swings her blades ferociously and I can barely keep up. My one blade isn't enough against her twin ones and my muscles are screaming in pain as I continue to try and dodge her never ending strikes.

        After a moment, my mother swings for my leg and I go to move out of the way but aren't fast enough. Her lightsaber cuts across the top of my left thigh, making me scream in pain. I stumble backwards, one hand clutching at my thigh whilst the other holds my lightsaber to defend myself.

         My thigh burns wickedly and I can feel as the blisters erupt on my skin. Blood trickles down my thigh indicating it's a fairly deep cut but I'm still able to walk so I push the pain to the back of my mind and regain my focus.

        "Mama! Please!" I beg, I can't do this. I was wrong when I thought I'd be okay with loosing my parents, I'm just a girl. A girl who needs her mother.

         "You brought this fate upon yourself! Your selfish actions lead to these events! You vile, worthless child!" She screeches her words tearing into my soul. They aren't the worse she's ever said but they still sting. I take a deep breath and centre myself. I gather the force around me, taking a second to bask in the silence it radiates. I clear my mind, discarding thoughts like clouds that can be merely pushed away.

I am just a girl. Just a girl who wanted nothing more than to be loved. I found that in Mazal once upon a time. Now, now I have found that in my squad. In Arden. Love now surrounds me, welcoming me into its arms. But still I cling to the negative things in my life because they are all I've ever known. I was raised by monsters until I became one myself, but now I have the chance to be better. To rid the galaxy of the monsters that plague it. I just have to let go.

  I see Mazal, his smiling face with eyes that rivalled the stars. My best friend, who will I know will never leave me. He will always be there, by my side. But I also know that now he has gone to find his blue skies and it's time to let go.

I see Master Nilim, his dark blue skin contrasting against his light Jedi robes. Despite everything he did, he was my safe haven for four years. He taught me invaluable skills that will stick with me until the end of my days. Any lingering anger I felt towards him has vanished and I find myself grieving those good few years we spent exploring the galaxy together as Master and Padawan. But the period of my life is over and it's time to let go.

          I see my father, his dark mahogany skin and his double ended lightsaber spinning cruelly in the dark. He offered me nothing but pain all throughout my childhood yet for some foolish reason I forgive him. I forgive the pain he caused and begin my journey to healing for it's time to let go.

           Then I do. I let go of the negatives. I choose to be better. I mourn what could've been but that wasn't my choice. My parents chose to be bad and my childhood was a result of that. I know what has to be done and in this moment, I make my peace with that.

My eyes fly open just in time to dodge my mothers next strike. I ignore the pain in my thigh, pushing it into the force where I'll leave it to be dealt with later. Strength now resonates in my bones, making them thrum with energy and the force busses around me.