the girl who lost things

part forty-three

— jessie's pov
I wait for the elevator to ring; it was the team. Penelope and I wait for Derek to come into the room. I could hear his footsteps.

" are you ready to go?" he asks; umm, yes! I didn't want to show my excitement. But I was sooo ready.
I nod, and he waved goodbye to Garcia, and we enter his car. I didn't want to talk, but I knew savannah was coming, so I sat in the back.

" what's the surprise?"

" you'll find out, but I'm going to need you to keep savannah clueless ok?" I nod and continue to look out the window. We were there already at her job.
I see savannah standing outside; she opens the door and comes in.

" hi!!" she says with her cheeks turning into apples.

" hi, my little sugar plum," he says in a baby voice pressing his lips onto hers.

I turn the other way; this is not the time.

" I have a little surprise for you."

" you do?"

he nods and hands her a blindfold, "what is going on?" She says, turning at me, a shrug my shoulders, and she puts on the blindfold laughing.

I hope nothing kinky is about to go down; derek starts to drive. I just dabble with my fingers while he drives. It always passes the time. Derek and savannah are having a conversation, but I block it out.

We pull into a driveway of a house. Is this serious?
He turns around and puts his hands on his lips. Yea, to silence me from freaking out.

" savannah, come out of the car." he guides her out of the car, and they start to babble, but I walk inside the house. I could hear savannah scream out of joy; I didn't want to see what was happening next because it was most likely them kissing.

I walk into the house; it was huge and modern. I walk upstairs. There were like five bedrooms. I walk into each one. I could hear savannah admiring the downstairs. I walk into another room. It was a decent size with a bay window and a sliding closet.
this is my room.

" you found your room?" I could hear Derek yelling from downstairs.

" yes!" I run down the stairs and hug him. " thank you!"

Derek is the closest thing I have to a father; I actually love him. Savannah, I could get used to.
—
I could hear the moving van outside; my bed had arrived. I heard Derek moving stuff with hotch. Alex and I were packing my clothes into the drawer. She was the only person available to help.

I was packing my shoes into the drawer, but I hear nothing from Alex. I turn around to see her holding my white shorts. I've hidden them since, forever. It was the shorts I wore after a self-harmed for the first time. She also probably couldn't believe the pant size; it was an extra-large. I was now a small.

" um, sorry." I take those from her hand and stuff them in the drawer. I just keep stuffing it in deeper until I feel the backboard.

I feel her touch on my shoulder; it was a soft one. I don't cut regularly anymore. " they know." I look up at her. she looked confused at first. " Morgan and them they know about my cutting."

She comes down on the floor, " you don't have to talk about them if you don't want to." she helps me with my shoes.

"I was in a bad place," I put my converses inside the closet.

" How bad?" Alex and I move back to putting clothes in the drawer. My instinct told me I could trust her.

"I was institutionalized." She doesn't say anything; I understand why. How do you respond to people like that. " but you judged me before...."

she looks at my face, "I thought you were a bratty teen."

"I wish I was, instead of a broken one." I look at her smiling through my glossy eyes. This was my time to fall back. I take a deep breath and wipe my tears.

"I think I hear them, bringing my bed upstairs." I excuse myself and walk downstairs.

— emily's pov
" you want toast?" I nod and take a sip of my coffee.

" with almond butter," I add, wrapping my arm around his neck, giving a kiss on his lips.

I hear my phone ring; it was Jessie. I excuse myself and go into the other room.

" hey, baby."

" hi, mom. you finished the case?"

" yea, yea. We caught the guy. Hey, I heard Derek bought a house?"

" yea, he bought it as a gift for savannah, but I have a room too." I hear her let out a small giggle. But I could hear something was wrong.

" you ok?"
a long pause comes into play before she speaks.

" yea, just missing you." I could tell she was lying, but I knew she wasn't going to tell me anything.

" ok, can you give the phone to savannah, please?" I hear her walking, and then I hear her voice.

" Hello?"

" hi! Hi! Savannah, congratulations! umm, I was just wondering, how's Jessie been doing?"

" um, great! great, she's still a little upset that the trip ended early, but I feel like the new house has raised her spirit." I smile. Hopefully.

" thank you, again. Actually, I have to go! Bye!!" I hang up the phone as Mark walks into the room. Greeting me with a kiss. 

" everything ok?" I nod, taking another sip of my coffee.  " your daughter, alright?" 

" yea, yea." 

" When are you going to tell her about me?"

" I don't know." I move away from him and into the kitchen where my toast was sitting. I take a seat and start taking delicate bites. A picture of Jessie and I was sitting on the countertop.