Another Supernatural Imagine Book

I can't lose you ||Sam||

I can't lose you

song: No Place Like You by Thousand Below

warning: suicide

It had been a difficult few years.

It all started when your parents were killed by a ghost while you were visiting home for Christmas. You didn't even believe in that kind of stuff until you were hiding in the guest room closet covered in your Mom's blood while a very dead looking man searched for you. You had accepted you were going to die when he found you, but two men saved you at the last minute.

"Holy shit that was close." The shorter man exclaimed as he lowered his rifle.

"Hey, are you okay? Or... relatively okay?" A tall, dark haired man asked as he crouched next to you. You shook your head, unable to say anything.

"I'm Sam, this is my brother Dean. I'm gonna pick you up, okay? You're gonna come with us while we figure this out."

The general solution after they found you three years ago was that you were going to stay with them. Turns out watching your parents die really brings out your inner anger and you were real damn good at hunting. It only took one hunt for the boys to realize you weren't going anywhere.

Hunting helped sometimes, but nothing fixed the intense, crippling sadness you couldn't shake. You had always had less than stellar mental health, but it got increasingly bad as time went on. After one particularly bad hunt, you snapped and brought your blade to your skin.

That was that.

It went on for months, until you and Sam started dating. He was an amazing boyfriend, and you couldn't be happier. He was so kind and supportive and wonderful. When he found your recently healed scars, he wasn't disgusted or angry, he just quietly traced them as you told him about it. Even when you relapsed a few times, he lovingly cleaned you up and held you as he apologized for not being there. He was always so understanding.

You didn't think he'd be as understanding with this.

A tear slipped down your cheek as you looked at the collection of pill bottles on the bed. You had no idea what half of them were, but you knew they would get the job done. You had tried so hard for so long, you couldn't do this to Sam. It was so fucking hard though. Your two year anniversary was coming up, and you wanted to hold on so bad but you couldn't. It was at a point where you spent hours convincing yourself he didn't love you and he just pitied you, and you couldn't tell the difference between your thoughts and real life anymore.

You checked the time, getting nervous when you saw that the boys should be back from Bobby's in barely an hour. You swallowed as you found the short note you'd written Sam and set it out on the bed next to you.

You took one last look at the room you'd decorated with Sam and let out one short sob before steeling yourself and uncapping the pill bottles. Before you can back out, you start swallowing handfuls. You finish the last of them and lay back in the bed, already starting to feel funny.

"I love you Sam."

Sam

"Y/n! We're home!" I call as I look around the dark living room. I check the time and sigh, knowing without me here she can easily sleep until 5 pm.

"Go wake her up, I'll put headphones in while I get the food unbagged." Dean sighs as he drops his bag full of weapons on the floor.

"Shut up." I laugh and head down the hall. As I get closer to our room, I start to get uneasy. I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong as I push the door open.

"Y/n?" I whisper as my eyes adjust to the light. My heart drops to my stomach as I see the scattered pill bottles, eyes watering as they travel up to her small body curled up at the top of the bed.

No.

"Y/n holy fuck- DEAN!" I scream as I rush to her side, shaking her in hopes that this is a horrible horrible prank. Dean burst through the door behind me, stopping as he sees the lifeless body of the love of my life.

"Fuck fuck FUCK." He yells as he pulls out his phone and starts dialing 911.

"Baby no come on, wake up. I can't lose you, oh god I can't fucking lose you." I sob as I cradle her to my chest.

"We need an ambulance, my brothers girlfriend took a lot of pills and I don't know how long it's been. Yeah we're at..." Dean rattled off the address. He hangs up the phone and gently pushes my arm aside as he reaches out and takes her pulse.

"I don't know why I didn't do that." I whisper, voice hollow.

"Hey it's okay Sammy. It's gonna be okay. She's still there, see?" Dean cries as he brings my fingers up to her neck. I start crying all over again when I feel a weak pulse.

"I can't lose her, Dean." I cry.

"I know Sammy, I know."

Reader

You're convinced you're dead and your personal hell is the overwhelmingly violent nausea you're currently experiencing.

"Holy shit this is the worst." You whisper, voice raw as you feel the burning sensation from vomiting in your throat.

"Y/n?" You hear Sam ask softly. Your eyes snap open in shock and you groan at the bright white light of your hospital room.

"Am I dead?" You ask lamely.

"Not quite, kiddo." Dean pipes up from a chair in the corner.

"You almost were. You almost left me." Sam says quietly. You can feel your heart break as you look at the crushed expression on his face. His eyes are red and puffy and you can feel his hands shaking as he holds yours.

"I'm sorry Sam." You whisper.

"I know it's hard, baby. Believe me I know. Dean has had to save me a few times too. But you can't leave, y/n. You can't leave us. You can't leave me." His voice breaks as he lays his forehead on your hands.

"I made a mistake. I could feel myself dying and all I could think about was how much I didn't want to. All I could think about is how you would feel. God I wish I had thought about that five minutes sooner." You apologize, stroking Sam's hair.

"I know it feels like no one would care. I know how mean your head is to you when you feel like that. Just please promise me you'll tell me whenever it gets this bad again and I'll hold you and tell you just how much you matter to me." Sam begs.

"Me too. Minus the holding you part, but seriously y/n it's not just Sam you would hurt. Making that 911 call was the scariest thing Ive ever done, and you know what we do for a living." Dean pipes up from his chair.

"Never forget how much you mean to us."

Hey guys i'm sad and having a super hard time so here's a really shitty sad imagine you're welcome.

Also I didn't edit so pardon any spelling errors