Lay Me Down

Lay Me Down Chapter 20

 

"It's okay mom," I said as I embraced her. I can't believe this was happening even though she had put me through shit with her drug addiction and her abusive boyfriend. Not only that, but she let him hit me and even helped him with raping me. And yet, here I was. About to help her. 

I guess I still cared for her. After all, she was my mother and I loved her even if she didn't give two shits about me. At that moment, I knew I just had to help her.

 

The guy left from my room leaving the money on my dresser; he definitely was crazy for spending that amount of money on sex. I got up and put on some clothes and then I grabbed the money. 

When I walked downstairs to Keith's and my mom's room, I saw them sitting on the sofa that lay in the corner.  "Here," I exclaimed, placing the money in her hand.      

 

"Thanks so much Lizzie." 

 

"You're welcome," I said, my voice breaking as tears began to swell up in my eyes. I turned my head and left the room so they wouldn't see me cry. 

I could not believe that I had just done that. Sick. Weak. Stupid. Ashamed; those were only few of what I was feeling.

I quickly made my way up the stairs and turned on the shower. I sat down and hugged my knees to my chest letting the hot water run down my body. I had sunk so low.

I woke up the next morning and slowly got ready for school; my body couldn't seem to go any faster. I was so tired and I just didn't want to do anything today, but, regardless, I finished getting ready and left for school.

My head hung low as I entered the school doors. Something about last night made me feel so ashamed and low and as if I shouldn't be here right now. 

I made my way to my first class and then felt hands grab my waist.  I jumped tearing whoever it was away from my body.

"Lizzie, it's just me," Carter said embracing me, and my body deflated from relief. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

I buried my face into his chest. "I missed you." 

"Me too," he said lifting my head up and giving me a kiss. "Everything okay?" 

 

"Yea, everything's fine." There was no way that I could let Carter find out what I did last night. I was pretty sure that it would result in being the end of our relationship. I had promised him that I was done with that and that I would never do it again. I felt so repulsed by what I had done last night, and I knew or a fact that he would feel even worse. I wrapped my arm around his waist and walked to class acting as if nothing had ever happened; he didn't need to find out about what went on in my bed last night, I tried to assure myself.

Classes went by in a daze before I realized that it was lunch; I wasn't focusing much on the things around me. 

"So, when do they announce the winners of the scholarship you applied for?" he asked me as we sat under the tree at lunch.