Starman | BTS 8th Member | *ੈ✩‧₊˚(editing)

31.

yoongi pov ⋆

I was right.

"What do you mean?" I said gently. Not wanting my frustration to ruin a conversation that was already long over due.

He smiled. It looked forced. I didn't understand.

With Jisungs normal smile, his eyes would scrunch up, if it was genuine, and he would have tiny little dimples, playing with the crinkles of his eyes. The combination was sweet.

However, the smile he was giving me now, was so forced i don't think he was trying in the first place.

His eyes weren't shining either.

"once you've done as much as i have, you convince yourself that everything is your fault or you think its someone out to get you."

He sighed.

"You take the sensible option, or you go mad. No one is out to get you. You're just unlucky." he rubbed his eyes, tired. He continued.

"i have to accept that people don't like me, i can't force people to understand."
He turned his head away.
"i can't point where to look if they don't want to look in the first place."

There was a silence

He laughed. It was a nervous, almost genuine one.

"I don't know why im telling you anyway" he chuckled looking around.

He sat on a nearby bench. He was blurred in the mist, but be was still there.

"If i could leave i would." He sighed closing his eyes.

I looked at him.

"What and throw everything you've done up until now away?" I snapped. He flinched.

"it doesn't matter. I'm here now i guess. But if i were meant to be it would have worked out the first time" He opened his eyes. He put his hands in his pockets.

He was pissing me off, but not how he previously would.

He's gotten to this point, this far and he doesn't think it's worth it, throwing everything away. Didn't he say he tried to get here? So why would he not want to keep it?

"Jisung. The songs you wrote back in October, are you aware of how- i dont know- good you are?" He ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't think you had it in you, im sorry i doubted you"

It was true. Every song i had listened to,  he had created art. Good art.

He was silent.

"I don't understand you" jisung mumbled pulling something out of his pocket. I couldn't see what it was or what he was doing.

"can i-?" he gestured to a cigarette at his lips. I nodded, my mouth slightly agape.
There was a flicker of a lighter and a small puff of smoke

"me neither." I shot back, looking at him in shock. i wondered why he was always outside-

We sat in silence looking at the river. It looked like a mirror, reflecting the city lights.

I think this was the first time we spent time together that wasn't enforced

"how did you find out" he said quietly. He flicked away ash.

"What do you mean?" I hummed watching him, trying not to be too shocked. He was like a different person

"about my dad" he was looking at me now, in the eye, watching me for a lie.

He was glaring.

"uh" i said, suddenly feeling very awkward and very guilty.
"i asked a trainee. They didn't tell me much though. All they said was that your dad was a doctor and that you were in the uk for a bit before you came here"

He was still watching me.
I smiled slightly, wondering if i was allowed to.

I knew i was curious.
"hes not one anymore" he said, and that ended it. His voice was so firm, so assuring, i just nodded at looked away. He was good at holding eye contact...
Im not.

"i think i know what i didn't like you now." i said after a while.

"oh" he breathed.

"you're too much like me"

He snorted. I glared at him.
"i dont appreciate that kind of insult" he kicked me, almost playfully.

"i said didn't-"

"and what's that supposed to mean?" he had his head cocked to one side, looking at me with a grin.

"Whatever you think" i mumbled, trying to look away. Freeing myself from his gaze was difficult.

He moved his leg closer to mine. I could smell the cigarettes he was smoking. I usually hated the smell, but when he did it, it was okay.

Hoseok was right.

Hoseoks always right.

He has an effect on people.

"I think we should get going" he got up and stretched, putting out his cigarette.

He then looked at me, in some sudden realisation. brows furrowed, mouth slightly agape.

"don't tell anyone- uh especially jin.".
I nodded.

"thanks" he grinned.

We walked back to the dorms

Jisungs progressively becoming more tired.

"you get some sleep" i pushed him slightly . His eyes were closed already.

"alright" I smiled as he walked away to his room, his bag dragging on the floor.

I walked into the kitchen planning on making some coffee.

But something was blocking it.

"What the hell is a watermelon-" i said prodding at the massive fruit.

"Don't poke it like that" a voice said behind me. I practically jumped out my skin.

I looked around to see jin putting away food.

"Why-" i started but he interrupted

"It was cheap" he said as if this justified the purchase

"Whatever" i groaned rolling it out the way.

"How is jisung?" Jin asked closing the fridge.

I snickered. He shot me a look.

"He was about to fall over he was that tired" i thought back to him trying to walk straight down the street but failing.

"That kid...did he even go to bed when i told him to?" Jin looked over in the direction that was presumably jisungs room

"I like to think he did" i shrugged.

Jin shot me a look.

"He couldn't even get through the door" i snickered.

He narrowed his eyes again.

"what?" i glared at him, wondering what he meant.
He looked away and shrugged.