Hidden Light | Male reader/OC POV X Stray Kids

[16]

"Hey." I whisper and he whispers back. "Hi. Where've you been?"

"Out." I grab my laptop and sit down next to him on top of his covers before plugging in my headphones and putting them on his head. He looks at me confused as a song starts playing. I take the headphones off when the song is finished and look at him for something. "What was that?"

"Uh. A cover. Of the original." He presses play at a certain point and smiles. "Is that Moon?"

"Yeah."

"You're helping him?"

"Mm." I take my headphones back and put them on as I play the song and search online for some outfits. "You should get some sleep Kei." Chan speaks when i take off my headphones and i sigh. "No I've got stuff to do." Chan watches as I grab a pen and notebook and start writing stuff down whilst buying stuff. "What are you doing?"

"They haven't sorted anything else other then the dance out so I'm trying to sort out the rest."

"That would mean you have to do all of the outfits and hair and makeup."

"I know. Also were you being serious earlier when you said I was choreographing your guy's songs?"

"If you want to~"

"I already have an idea for Back Door." He smiles and sighs. "Kei you should've taken the opportunity."

"...What opportunity?"

"I asked JYP why he didn't accept you and he said he did but he said that you can't choreograph our stuff or help us I'd you become a trainee."

"...Then you can't argue with me about it-"

"Kei-"

"I can find another way to perform!"

"Kei in any entertainment company if you become a trainee then you'll become busy."

"I know. I don't mind being busy, I mind not being able to see any of you... I know I'm too attached but that's your fault you're such an amazing person." I put my headphones back on and he hugs my side as I go into sulky mode before taking off my headphones again. "You can't ignore your dreams just because of us."

"Becoming an idol and losing my best friends isn't a dream of mine."

"You wouldn't lose us."

"But you get what I mean I..."

These guys mean way more to me then I ever would to them. I mean Chan's the reason I'm not in the bathroom cutting right now... Hyunjin's the reason why I didn't feel so alone earlier today... Minho keeps me distracted from myself. I.N distracts me and makes me want to be a better person so I can look after him. Seungmin annoys me and let's me be reminded that it's alright to feel annoyed sometimes. Felix helps me cook when I'm starving and too blanked out to do it myself. Han is my singing buddy that always laughs at my jokes no matter how plain they are. Changbin let's me make fun of him until I run out breath but doesn't even get annoyed at me no matter what I do. They all distract me from myself. But to them I'm just a lodger... They don't even think of me as their friend- I'm just a lodger that's payment is helping them with choreography.

A ball forms in my throat and I put my stuff that was on my lap next to me before getting up. "Where you going?"

"To the bathroom." I disappear for a good twenty minutes so Chan knocks on the door just I'm case I fell asleep on the toilet or something. "Mm?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah why?"

"You've just been in there for a while is all."

"Sorry~" He frowns at the shaky voice and I pull my hair even more painfully as I try to hold back tears. My hands shake as I grit my teeth and Chan speaks quietly. "Are you okay?"

...

"Kei?"

"Mhm~" Chan can tell I'm crying and goes to walk sway when I open the bathroom door. I make sure I keep my gaze away from his eyes as I hug his waist and rest my face in the corner of his neck. "What's wrong?" I shake my head as he strokes my hair and mumble into his shoulder. "I'm gonna make some pancakes~"

"Now?"

"Mhm~"

"Do you want some help?" I shake my head and he smiles sadly as I try to distract myself. "Do you want bacon?" I pull put of the hug as I dry my face. "Only if you're making some." I nod and walk into the lounge. He follows me into the lounge and watches as I walk into the kitchen and just lean over the maiden "What's wrong?"

"I don't know how to make pancakes~"

"Its okay I dont need pancakes." Chan chuckles and flops on my back as I cry into the counter from frustration. "Why can't I do anything~?!"

"You can do stuff."

"Like what? Cry 24/7 because I can't do stuff? Be called a mummy's boy when she shows any kind of affection for me? Be a disappointment?"

"You're not a disappointment Kei."

"Yes I am. My dad even said I am. I mean I sent my own mother to the hospital for fuck sake-"

"No. You didn't. That wasnt your fault."

"Yes it was! She came looking for me because I left, if I didn't leave-!"

"Then anything could've happened Kei. She could've not even noticed you left or noticed you did but didn't try to look for you. Anything could've happened so don't blame yourself."

"But I should've expected it..."

"Are you supposed to pause your life for other people? I know she's sick but you're your own person you can't stop everything." I stay quiet and he strokes my hair. "I wish I could help more but you're already doing better then I would be if I was in your position." I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. "I should go."

"What? Why?"

"I gotta make sure I know the dance before I meet up with the others."

"Oh." Chan calms down when he realises I wasn't talking about me leaving the apartment and I hug him quickly before walking out of the kitchen.